


Between the Head and the Hands

by veneerofcute



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Attempted Sex, Child Abuse, I might put gore and violence in at some point knowing me but at the moment there's none, I'm sure that there are names for the horrors I've put in here but I can't name them, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Rape/Non-con Elements, Robots, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, general atmosphere of horror, it got violent, past child sexual abuse, pedophile!David, please tell me if you can name them, tags will be added as the story continues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-16 19:53:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 35,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veneerofcute/pseuds/veneerofcute
Summary: After getting turned into a sexbot, Max finds that his life is out of his control.  Of course, Max isn't one to just accept this and decides to try and fix things himself.  This is made increasingly hard as more people get involved.  Max decides that since he's already proven his personhood to David, that David must help him and goes to force him to make everything better.





	1. Those three words

**Author's Note:**

> So here I am, putting out another weird au story.

I know there was a car crash.  It is certain that I didn’t die, which fucking sucks.  I was a brain in a jar for a while. I don’t remember much about that.  There wasn’t much to remember either. I know I was alive. I felt completely alone though.  I told myself I didn’t mind. Evidently, my dad had a plan for me after all.  That's why I was turned on for a week, right?  I was sure, I would be fine.  Soon, it started to feel like I am my own existence. It just seemed to last forever.

I wonder if anyone missed me.  I can imagine David missing me.  He cries over any stupid little thing though so it’s not hard. Gwen sobbing out ‘if I had been kinder to the little shit while he was alive.’  I like to make her over react. It makes it feel less real. Nikki and Neil are at my fake funeral too. I don’t like imagining them though. The idea of them thinking I’m dead is too painful.  I know that there must have been something though. It’s the logical conclusion. As unlikeable a child as I am, I doubt that the whole ‘children shouldn’t be turned into robots’ thing doesn’t apply to me.  Hell, David doesn’t even find me unlikable. He actually thinks that I should be happy. I think the word he used. I don’t remember but it was a good feeling. I’ll ask him if I ever get a chance. I hate my mind.

So why am I here?  I know I can move if a button is pushed.  When allowed to move, I can only say three words.  Shame really. I have a lot of four letter words that show my feelings that I would like to say.  There isn’t anyone to hear them though. I can think them but it doesn’t change anything. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, shit, fuck, crap, cunt.  See, it really doesn’t change anything. My voice isn’t good enough for much... and I’m so weak. I don’t really understand it, but I know I’m a robot now.  I guess... android. I don’t know. It’s been a long time since I was able to use words at all. Meanings escape me too often. An android was a robot with a human brain, right?  Why am I fucking like this?

I feel so empty.  Three words: Yes, no, Please.  All I have are those three words.  I wish I could move. I wish I didn’t need to be turned on.  I’m sort of off right now. I still have thoughts and feelings though.  Thoughts like ‘I wish that my parents were here. I wonder when this box is going to stop getting jiggled around so much.  What if the car crash happened so that I could be turned into an robot? Maybe they just needed a fresh brain. Yeah, when you have no new thought creators for (I don’t know I lost sense of time) a long time ago you kind of stop censoring your thoughts for anything including fucking logic.  I for a while had an imaginary friend called Ducky Mcfuck Whip who was a magic fairy parrot girl from the planet blue donkey. Embarrassing I know. Still, it’s not like anyone can read my mind. I hope not anyway. Ducky made me feel amused for a while but she faded as my mind created new ideas and her weirdness was unable to distract me from my fears.  My fears so many and yet so indescribable.

The box has stopped moving.  Is it to be opened? I should not be so hopeful.  Ducky Mcfuck Whip would be most disappointed in me.  She remembers what it was like being turned on for a week.  Hands everywhere.  Could I feel everything everywhere? That’s what the man said.  It didn’t matter that I was scared. Just that I showed that I was in pain or pleasure.  I can’t taste anymore but that doesn't matter. Why did they give me a mouth when I need it not to speak or eat?  I can’t smell either, but my other senses apparently matter so much. I can’t grip hold of anything so what am I? A fucking robot.  I know that but why?

I’m avoiding the obvious, I know.  The man put a hand inside my asshole.  I’m going to be a sex toy. Ducky Mcfuck Whip can’t protect me or make me into a child again.  I’m scared. I don’t want to be a sex toy.  Or if I must be, can’t I be dead?  Why am I alive?  Maybe I don’t want the box to be opened.  I wish I could be like David and truly deny this to myself. At least then it wouldn’t be a constant fear.

It’s on the move again.  I can’t afford to feel sorry for myself and I am still a child.  A robot child. Not a sex child robot but a child firstly and foremost.  Never mind how much people treat me like shit, I must never forget that and give in to despair.

I’m on the move.  Can I really hope that I will be treated well.  I don’t need to eat. I used batteries but I don’t know when that’ll run out.  I know I have a socket on one of my arms where the batteries to be recharged.

I know that some pedophile is going to use me.  Maybe I’ll be cleaned and passed around by many of them.  Yes, no, please. Does this mean that I can refuse or that I’m a rape fantasy?  Why do they want me and not…? Why must this be set upon anyone?

I’ve been put down again.  The box is opening. A hand is placed on my head and it’s pulling up.  “What is this?” A female voice? It’s familiar.

“It looks a bit like Max.” Male. I know this person.

Gwen, David? 

I feel another hand and I’m pulled and the box twists and rips behind me.  Once I’m out and my new body is lying on the floor, Gwen rubs her hands over my body and I feel my switch get turned on.  I’m not though. Not in the sexual way anyway. Am I safe? All the fear for fucking nothing? Please let that be the case.  I am able to sit up so clearly my body is working. I look at them both. They look at me confused. I can’t explain anything but I can make a point.  “Yes, no, please.” I twist my head. “Yes, no, please.”

David looks round me, but shortly he pulls out a booklet from the box.  “It says here that this really is a sexbot.” I feel my useless hands start to shake.  “He’s a pretty cute one I have to admit.”

Gwen groans, “I’ve told you before I don’t want to hear about your weird fucking perversion.”  Quit swearing. It’s making me fucking jealous. She then looks at me and at my body. It’s weird how someone can be against the sexualisation of children but look at me in the creepiest of ways.  “Personally I’m really freaking creeped out. I know it’s better than using a real kid but damn this is fucked up.”

“I’m not fucking it.  We don’t know anything about it.  It might not be safe." 

I say, “Please” as in ‘continue thinking of me this way’.

Gwen smiles and says in a cutesy voice.  “Awww, he knows you said fuck.” It doesn’t feel cute.  I wish I could back away. I’m too disgusting.

David smiles agreeing, “We are really going to have to watch our language.”

Gwen laughs and says, “I don’t know.  I think it might be fun to play with this.  So much potential for innuendo.”

I’m going to have to be so careful.  Since when was David into kids? Since when was he willing to swear around me?  Or anyone for that matter. Though I supposed there isn’t really a less crass way of saying ‘I don’t want to fuck a kid sex toy’ than ‘I’m not fucking it’.  Even ‘I’m not having sex with it’ still is shitty. Especially considering what they’re talking about.

David says, “Can you stand up?”  I stand up, curious myself. It’s unsteady but  it works. David reaches down and pats my head. “He’s so cute.  Lets see you on all fours.”

Gwen stops me with a hand.  “David, I thought you said that you weren’t going to fuck the sex toy.”

“There’s nothing wrong with getting it to do sexy poses.”  Since when was ‘all fours’ a sexy pose? Damn, I know nothing that can protect me.

I say, “No.”  They both look at me surprised.  I guess they realised that I don’t want to go into sexy poses.

Nervously David says, “Do you want to have sex with me?”

“No.”  Obviously.  You would be better than the evil figures I had in my nightmares... daymares... daze. 

“What kind of a sex toy are you?”  How do I even begin to explain this? 

“Yes no please.” 

David frowns.  “Okay, sorry.” He picks up the book.  “Have you had a lot of sex?”

“No.”

“Any?”

“No.”  The fingers don’t count.  That wasn’t sex. That was just horrid experimenting.

“Are you in rape fantasy mode?”

That’s a thing!  I knew that would be a thing.  I shouldn’t be shocked. I don’t think I am.  I have no idea about any programing that happened.  “Yes no” I should be able to trust David not to hurt me… unless he doesn’t figure out that I’m alive.

Gwen asks, “But when you said fuck before it said please.  What’s going on?” She’s not talking to me. She has no idea I’m alive.

David picks up the book and says, “I’ll figure it out.  Max, would you like some clothes?” 

“Yes.”  Of course I do.

Gwen groans, “We’re not calling the sexbot Max.  It’s creepy enough that it looks like a dead kid.” 

David nods in agreement though his eyes are still on the booklet.  I wish Ducky was here. I felt safe with her. “Okay, what do you want to call him?” 

“Sexbot.”  I’m not replying to that. 

“Hey, it says here that we can program a name for it to call out during sex.  Maybe if we do it right, we can get him to know our names or his own name. Would you like that, Sexbot?”

I **said** I’m not replying to that.

Gwen complains, “Don’t tell me it’s programed to take the first name it’s addressed as, as it’s name.”

I haven’t got a clue, but my name is Max.  “Yes.” Why not lie? It’ll be no harm. I should have lied before.  I have to do whatever I can to stay safe.

David awkwardly asks, “So your name is stuck as Max?”  What does he have to be nervous about? I’m the one who can’t do anything.

“Yes.”  God, I hope there’s no memory wipe.  I certainly hope that if there is, it’s not where I fear it might be.

He ruffles my hair and says, “Okay then.  It’ll be a little weird. You see there was a child we knew who was even cuter than you.  He didn’t have switches and stuff in his arms and his skin felt more like skin than leather, he had a bad attitude but a good heart.  He had actual eyes rather than a screen displaying some and they were such adorable eyes…” David stops due to Gwen’s glare. He continues, though not with his description, “His name was Max too but he died in a car crash.  We miss him very much.”

Gwen ruins David’s sweet speech by saying, “David secretly wanted to bone him too.”  I don’t want to fucking remember that. I am intentionally trying to ignore that since there’s fuck else I can do about it.

David asks himself out loud, “Why did I tell you that?”

May as well have some fun.  “Yes no please.” I guess that had it been fuck instead of please they might recognised me.  Guess fuck doesn’t match many pedo purity fantasies though.

Gwen says, “Coming to think of it, it’s a little weird isn’t it.  You never told anyone but me your fantasies, hell you especially made it clear you never had any desire to live them out in any way.  Now we just happen to find a sexbot that looks like your biggest crush just a year after his death.”

David puts down the book and stares at me.  I try to cover myself though I feel more like a person when David does it.  I don’t get it. “A year to the day.”

What?

Gwen flips out her phone and stares at it.  “Fuck, it is.”

“But I never fantasized about raping him.  I just wanted to have that sort of sex that doesn’t exist in real life with him: consensual adult on child sex.  I’m fine with the fact that I can never have sex with a real child.”

Damn.  David really is a pedophile.  This is fucking wrong. It isn’t just a weird joke on their part.

Gwen says, “I reckon it’s a trap.  You put your dick in that thing and it cuts it off, shocks you to death or some shit like that.”  Someone must have overheard David and Gwen talking about this. 

I could say yes but why should they trust me?   Actually maybe that will seem more likely if I’m quiet.  Yeah, though fuck if that is the case it’s kind of cruel.  David has no idea that I’m alive. Sure David would be being pretty gross but… what am I talking about.  He said that he was fine with never having sex with a kid. The choice isn’t sex with a kid or sex with me.  So why do I want this to be the case? I guess I don’t want to hurt David. I just want to feel safe. 

David says, “Okay.  So nothing sexual.” 

“Please.”  I guess please isn’t that bad.  I just wish I could tell them who I really am.  I’m not a Max who looks like their Max. I am Max.

He asks, “Would you like some clothes?”

“Please.” 

Gwen rolls her eyes.  “David, it’s not alive.  It’s still just a sex bot.  Look at it. It’s clearly not designed for anything else.  It doesn’t even have hard teeth.”

“No.”  I am alive.  I know I am.

Gwen turns to me and says, “I can see that you’ve been programed to be a creepy little shit.  You’re not alive. You’re just well programed.”

“No.”  I’m not backing down on this truth.  Once you understand this all the other truths can be said.

She hits me.  I let out a little cry.  “Stop defying me. You sound just like him.”  Really? I’d say that my voice has changed completely.  Oh you mean my attitude.

David stands up for me.  “You might hurt him.” 

“It’s a robot.  You know this. That’s why you’ve been comfortable with the idea of fucking him, I mean it.”  She looks ready to hit David but instead she kicks me. “Stupid robot. Why did we even pick up that box?  Why did we open it up?”

I’ve been curious about that too.  David says, “Because it fell off near our house and we wanted to check that what’s inside wasn’t damaged.”  That is only believable because it’s you. Also you and Gwen are living together? Are you dating? Why is Gwen dating you?  No offense but she… You don’t seem her type. You both kind of feel too good for each other though.

I don’t remember falling out.  There must have been a plant. Maybe I am more than just a sexbot.

“Aren’t child based sexbots illegal?”  Should we be? I want to say an answer but this is me we’re fucking talking about.  It changes everything.

Before I can answer my latest question, David says, “As far as I know it’s currently one of those ‘as long as you’re not obvious with it’ things.  That’s probably why he looks so much like a robot. If they can say that he looks more like a robot than a child, the law is more likely to turn a blind eye.  That keeps on changing though.”

That doesn’t surprise me.  In fact, it makes perfect s-

Gwen picks up my instruction manual.  “I’m going to program it to say Jermy Fartz during sex.”  Clearly she has lost interest in the legal side of this. Damn, I need to have some time to think.

Why?  She pulls my non socket attachment arm towards her and starts working on a little section under a flap.  I can’t see it never mind how I twist my head. That’s so unfair. Why don’t they see this as proof that I’m alive?  David leaves and I’m alone with someone who doesn’t believe I’m alive or worthy of even a small amount of respect. I don’t want to say Jermy’s name during sex.  Not even during sex with David. Maybe with the weirdos from my dazes, but they might like that, so no. 

I look at what she’s doing.  She finishes up then says, “Okay, so how do I find out if that worked without fucking you?”  I shrug. “Urgh, this is hopeless.” I close my programing board and sit down. I wish I was dressed.  I feel so small and pathetic. “You’d better stay hidden. I hope David finds you some nice covering clothes, you shitty little space waster.”

What is your problem with me?  Even considering that you don’t think I’m alive, you’re still being shitty.

I move away and sit next to my box then Gwen throws the instruction manual at me.  Stupid bitch. I want to decry her and get revenge but my stupid body can hardly lift up anything.  I’m not entirely certain how I’m seeing to be honest. I pick up the manual and see if I can find anything.  I know I probably won’t last much longer but I have to do whatever I can to survive. I will do whatever I can to survive.  I stand up. I will run away if I need to but there is something I can do. I reach around and find a plug and start charging myself.  I don’t think I’ll ever get over just how good this feels. I wonder if sex feels this good. It’s different from when I used to touch myself or when the men touched me over there.  They really knew how to make me feel good. I still wish they hadn’t touched me like that, because they could also be rough and cruel and I never knew what they would do. It made me feel sick, scared and guilty.

David comes back in and says, “Sorry, the only thing that I have in terms of clothes your size is fetish wear.”  He pulls out a small leather skirt and helps me into it. “I’ll take you clothes shopping soon.” Next comes a little leather top that reveals my tummy and needs lacing up at the front and back.  I kind of look like a little dominatrix. It’s not too bad. Maybe this won’t be so bad. David would be pretty easy to dominate. 

Gwen shouts, “No, you’re not.  With his weird skin, he’ll stand out as an obvious sex bot.  You can’t pretend that he’s our Max. You can’t pretend that he’s the boy you still blame yourself for the death of.”  Oh, cry me a river, Gwen.

“Please, just one little trip.  I won’t take him far. He’ll be fine.”  David. I hug his leg. He might want to fuck me, but he is safe.  He pleads, “He’s harmless. I’ll find him some cute shoes and it’ll be fine.” 

She huffs, but asks, “Where did you even find that outfit in Max’s size?  It fits disturbingly well.”

“I sometimes buy fetish wear in small sizes as materbasion material.”  I wish I could tell you not to discuss this around me. “These are the smallest stuff I own that I could see Max getting away with wearing in the street.” 

“Is that even legal?” 

“Why wouldn’t it be?  I reckon that most of the buyers think I’m getting the clothes for like a dwarf girl or boyfriend or something.  It’s not like I tell them that I want to be dominated by a child. It’s how I’ve been coping and anyway, lots of people buy children’s clothes without children being around.  I have plenty of stuff that wouldn’t fit Max but looks less like fetish wear to normal people… and some that looks like more, but those are made for adults and adjusted down.”

Gwen pulls a face.  “I fucking hate your sexuality.”

David agrees, “Yeah, I wish I was into adults.” 

Me too.  “Please.”

David looks at me and says, “There is definitely something funny in your programing.”  He laughs, “It’s going to be such fun exploring you and finding out all your little quirks.”  Don’t call them quirks like that.

You are going to be so scared when I figure out how to talk to you.  “No.”

He ruffles my hair.  It’s so damn annoying.  I bet it doesn’t even feel like real human hair.  I don’t know. I wasn’t given any feeling in my fingers because why would a sexbot need that?  I know a little of what I look like. I know that my eyes are displayed on a blue screen. I think I heard something about an uncanny valley being the reasoning for that.  My eyes are just a bunch of pixels. Above that are my pixel brows that I can raise all the way to the top of my forehead. I don’t know what fetish that’s supposed to supply but it must exist.  Between where my brows usually rest there’s a dot that lets me see. One of the men at the lab had joked that it makes me look like I’m wearing a bindi. I wouldn’t have laughed if I could. The leather like material they used for my skin is darker than the skin I used to have and there’s stitch marks all over my body.  I don’t know if that’s for the same reason. I know I’m a pretty cute robot. I like how big my eyes are. I just wish I wasn’t designed for the pleasure of others.

Maybe I should start the robot machine war and take over the planet.  At the moment I can’t even stop someone from raping me and I’m already pretending to myself that I’m this powerful.  As for the rest of my appearance, I guess I’ll never grow up. If anything I feel younger than I was back when I had a human body.  I’m certainly younger in a certain area. Damn pedophilia.

He’s gone off again.  This time I follow and find him looking through more sexy child clothes.  I wish I could understand this. I can’t even pick anything up. My hands are just a source of handjobs.  I wish I could cry. I hated it back in my old body but now I would like nothing more than to show my deep sorrow.  I know what my parents would say: boys don’t cry. They’re not here though and David: giver of hugs is. I must be fucking desperate.  Shortly he finds some socks and helps to put them on me. “I’m sorry I never bought any shoes.”

I look around and see a blanket.  I pull on it, as best I can and David gets the hint.  He wraps it around me like a toga and grins. “Now that looks presentable.  You have good eyes Max.”

“No.”  Just a dot.  I smile softly and hope that he gets the hint.  I don’t think he does but it’s hard to say.

“Okay.  I’m going to take you out.  Do you think you can try hiding your stitches?  I want everyone to see you as as beautiful as I do.”  I hope they don’t.

I shake my head.  I could put on a pair of sunglasses but not only does that risk covering my camera but I still clearly would have a screen.  That will affect things far more than my skin will. 

Gwen comes in and puts a yellow band around me.  “He’s now a disability bot. You want to keep him, like a dumbass.  Pretend you have anxiety and the bot is designed to help you out of panic attacks.”  What changed your mind on me? 

David asks the dumbest question, “Isn’t that offensive to people with anxiety?”

Gwen replies, “I have anxiety*, moron!”  Okay, seriously, why are you okay with me now?  “Look, just get that thing out of the house.” Oh.

I still will look like a fucking sex bot.  Disability bots don’t have stupid lighter skin around the cheeks so that lights can come on and we blush during sex.  Hell, they don’t even have mouths that move like mine can. I point to my cheeks and with a nod, Gwen pulls out a makeup kit.  She goes up to me and soon even if I ‘blush’, no one would ever know. Not bad. I walk over to the long mirror and admire the handy work.  I really do look like a disability bot if I keep my mouth shut. Shame I don’t sound like one. I can’t count but hopefully that won’t matter.  The chances of us coming across a person having a panic attack are really slim. How often do you see that in real fucking life after all? 

I wish I didn’t need shoes. Fucking foot fetishistists.  I keep on walking anyway. Am I even designed to walk decent distances?  I feel like I can hardly stand at all. Maybe I need some oil or something.  I don’t know. I don’t know anything about being a robot all things considered.  In fact, I know little of robots in general. It sounds like David might know more than me though I have a feeling that’s only because he likes the idea of using a robot like me.  Please David, figure out who I am before trying to use me.

Please if you never use me, I’ll pretend to be me: an adorable little version of me that your memory has recreated for you.  Please never use me because I know that it’ll come out eventually and the guilt will kill you. Please because for once I’m saying please.

Fucking hell, David why did you have to be this way?  You never showed any signs! Not one fucking sign and did Gwen know all this time?  Did Gwen know from day fucking one? Why do you have to be a pedophile? Why? If this was Gwen, it wouldn’t be so fucking bad because she always felt like a huge perv anyway.

David picks up my hand and we walk together.  The shops aren’t far away I guess.

Maybe it could be fucking well said that I should be happy that David is like this.  After all, if he didn’t have me, who knows who could have me? I’m not going to pretend to be fucking grateful.

I don’t know how he feels.  My own sense of sexuality never mattered.  No, it did and this is a cruel punishment. What did I do?  Why the fuck did this happen to me? He’s got that annoy spring in his step.  He has no idea how I feel? Shitty, David, shitty. He probably thinks I’m happy because I’m programed to be but I’m not.  If I had been would that make this all okay? It doesn’t fucking matter. It never will fucking matter. I’m just going to have to remain miserable and I can’t even talk about it.  Still, I can survive. I still have my smarts. I can look things up and work hard. I’ll find a way of telling David that I’m alive and not just programed to say that.

David is different from how I remember him.  He moves more fluidly. Not like in a bad cartoon, but rather, like I could only remember small jesters of his.  It’s like those things that appear when they haven’t cartooned it yet on deleted scenes. I can’t remember the last time I saw a cartoon.  Maybe this isn’t the real David. That would explain a few things. I’m sure this is the real Gwen though. Or maybe none of this is real and I’m still alone.  That’s happened a few times. I’d think that Neil and Nikki had come to save me then just as I was about to exact revenge on Mr Leaf (I don’t know the name of the thing but that’s as good a name as any) I would suddenly be back on my own unable to see or hear or touch or whatever the other senses were.  Ducky would come and try to make me feel better but that was no good because I knew she wasn’t real. She tried to be. She really did. She went on a quest to find Mr Honey Nuts and have him grant the powers of reality.

Is Mr Honey Nuts real?

I don’t like this.  It must be fake. There’s too much of everything.

Is Mr Honey Nuts real?

How did I even know I was a brain in a jar?

“Max?”  David? He’s got a t shirt in his hands and holding it up.  Since when were shops this bright and full of people. “You like this one?”

It’s okay.  It’s red. Blue always was my favourite colour.  Oh, he wants a reply. “Yes.” I can do this. I really need some jeans.  I hope that he isn’t expecting me to find more than one set. He tries the T shirt on me then when happy, he hangs it on his arm then walks off and expects me to follow.  Doesn’t he know I’m afraid?

Of course not.  I’m just a robot.  A sexbot. It’s practically my fucking name.

Next he finds some plain jeans and gets me to try them on.  Fortunately I fit them pretty easily. He gets me multiples of the same jeans.  Guess that he would rather not waste his money on non fetish wear. He gets me multiples of the same top too.  I guess, just in case they get dirty. Why do people have to change clothes everyday again? I’m sure there was a reason.  Didn’t I used to be smart? What happened?

I keep on pointing to the door but he isn’t getting the hint.  Instead he’s walking towards a group of people and they’re all talking.

“My cat”  “My car” “Mechanical logistics of necrophilia is not a discussion for a place like this, Gordon.”  “It’s been forever. I’ve missed you so much.” All these conversations. It’s too many. Why are we here?  I want to go. I want to go. “Shirley is such a bitch” “Please she’s not as bad as Kaitlyn.” Who the hell are all these people?

David keeps his hand in mind.  He feels weird. Why are we here?  We have the clothes. Let’s just go.

Oh, we have to pay.  That was a queue. I just forgot.  I need to stop acting so scared. I have no excuse.  Nothing has happened to me. Nothing at all, for a long time. 

Finally we leave.  I just want to go home wherever that is.  Why is it that he’s hanging around to talk to idiots.

“You want to try somewhere else, just say.”

“No.”

“The park?”

“No.”

“We should at least get you some shoes.”

Fuck, he’s right.  I still want to go home though.  I don’t want to go back towards lots of people though.  I spot a crowd of them. “Please no.” David looks at me in confusion.  Why did my box have to get picked up by an idiot? I don’t know who should have picked up my box.  Nikki probably doesn’t really exist. Neil maybe. Actually he would have been the best. I could probably figure out with him how to show off that I am alive.  Only I’m not alive. I can’t be. Who could survive what I’ve been through?

Do I even want to survive?

I feel David drag me into a shop with notably thick shelves.  You can’t afford to be fat here. Still at least it’s quiet and the first pair of shoes he puts me in fits.  He goes and pays and I’m reminded that that’s a thing. How did I forget? Probably brain damage. Whoever did this to me couldn’t even keep my brain in good nick.  That must be it. It’s not at all that I’ve lost my mind from lack of use. It’s not that I’m scared out of myself from suddenly being surrounded with sights that I thought I was used to.  No, I don’t want it to be that.

He takes me over to another area and I realise what we’re doing.  He’s paying for my new shoes. He turns to me and says, “Nice trainers, aren’t they?”

Oh yeah, clothes shoes like that are called trainers.  Guess I never really thought about clothes when I was off.  “Yes.” They’re not bad. The store person looks at me. I don’t like his stare.  It makes me feel weird.

“You disgust me.”  David looks up at the man at the till.  “That’s seriously a child sexbot. I’m not mistaken.  You perverted shit.”

“You’re being remarkably nice all things considered.”  Yeah, I’d have decked you really hard, if I was him. Still, I don’t like this either.  I need you. I need you competent. 

“You fuck kids often?”  Seriously, store person, you are being way too nice. 

“No.  I just found this bot and it’s kind of cute so I’m using it as a supplement for my inability to have children of my own.”  Is that a lie, David?  Can you really say your heart is the right place here?

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I’m completely sterile.  I know that Max here is just a robot and honestly rather creepy but I like having him around.  Maybe if I take good care of him, I’ll know that I’m ready to adopt.”  Don't say just a robot like it's true.

“I’m so sorry.”  You bought that? What is wrong with you?  Even in my ‘what are words’ state I can see that you are being as thick as can be.  I can’t believe I was afraid of you. 

“It’s okay.  I know that I can’t take care of Max forever.  I’ll probably have to take him to the police soon.”

I interject, “No.”  They’ll destroy me before I get to prove that I’m alive.  Thank god that this store person is a moron. Or maybe not.  I don’t want to die but I don’t want to fuck David either. At least once all this is over, I’ll be able to say that I was able to ask myself interesting questions.

David takes me home after that.  I guess he doesn’t want anyone figuring out that I’m a machine worth something huge that tends not typically left lying around.  I have to get my mind back soon. This is a fucking pain. He opens the door and I rush inside as quickly as I can. It’s so peaceful here.  I relax back and enjoy the fact that there’s nothing around. It’s just plain. I’m going to have to think of something to sort this out. I wish I had help.


	2. More Than Just Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The calm before the storm. Hope you enjoy.

When we return, we find someone with Gwen as they’re chatting happily.  The new person gets up and offers David a tea and me a pop. Gwen laughs and points out that I can’t drink.  David sits down and tries to act like he hasn’t just walked in with a child sex robot. I think he knows that he’s failing but I have to admit, he’s doing a good job of sitting silently smiling.  He looks like he could sit smiling in silence for a long time.

The new person says to David, “So you got yourself a disability bot?  It’s pretty cute.” They reach over but when I lean back they don’t touch.

Opening up, just a little, David agrees, “Yes, his name’s Max.”  I sit next to David and feel him wrap himself around me. His hands are soft as they stroke my hair.  “He’s sweet.”

“He looks a little like one of those robots, icky people use for intercourse.”  Gwen blushes at her friend’s comment. David looks away but his hands reveal his shame as they feel slowly along my hair.  “Oh my, what are you doing with a child one?”

Gwen blushes even more and replies, “We found it after it fell of a bus.”

David adds, “We don’t even know if it’s safe, so we’re just keeping it’s cuteness around.”  Then realizing his mistake, he says, “He’s not sexy to us.” His lie is too obvious.

Gwen puts herself between her friend and David then explains, “David is innocent.  We’re hoping that Max can help him to deal with his unwanted urges though.”

The friend frowns but I get the feeling that they’re willing to hear Gwen and David out.

David says, “Yes, innocence, that’s me.  I know I’m sexually into children, but that doesn’t make me hypersexual.”  What does hypersexual mean? “Max is just, just, I don’t want to hurt a real kid.”

The friend nods and agrees, “That’s completely fair.  I hadn’t thought of it like that. Though, I can’t help but think, you ever tried being into adults?”

David is slightly taken aback.  Shortly, he replies, “Yes. It didn’t stop me from liking children in the wrong way.”

“But it’s the logical solution!”

Gwen explains to the stupid friend, “That doesn’t mean that it’ll work.  Just like how being nice to people doesn’t always mean that you’ll become friends.”

The stupid friend looks like she’s struggling with these concepts.  Shortly, she appears to give up and ask, “You tested the bot yet?”

David replies, “We’re worried it’s not safe.  Could cut your dick off if you put it inside.”

The stupid friend lifts up my toga and spreads my legs before shoving a finger inside of me.  “Seems safe.” I try to kick this person away, but my legs are still weird. “There, now you know.”

Gwen laughs, “Well, that’s something we didn’t have the guts to do.  Glad to know that screwing Max will have no negative impacts on anybody.”  Anybody: that’s certainly accurate. Any body since I don’t have one.

David agrees, “Thanks, Enid.”

I think Enid is a girl’s name.  Stupid Enid smirks and settles back where she was sitting.  I look her over. She’s fat and pale with blonde hair hanging loose and long around her head.  Her clothes are very masculine though: black jeans, a man’s red waistcoat, a comfortable white shirt.  She doesn’t look harmful. Neither does David though.

“Yeah, you’ve really helped us out.”  How much praise does this girl need? All she did was advance the evitable in your eyes and hurt me sexually in my ey- camera.

She asks, “What’s it like?”

David considers her point then says, “Other than the fact that I don’t like to tell people, it’s kind of like any other sexuality, for me anyway.  Sure, it’s too dangerous to be open about, but it’s otherwise very normal. I would rather you not tell anyone.” As though it needs to be any clearer he adds, “Please tell no one.”

Stupid Enid replies, “You know I would never dare.”

Gwen replies, “Glad to see that you’re able to see that this isn’t the time to be working on your lack of confidence.”  Then Gwen says, “David, I hope you don’t mind but we really need to have a confidential meeting right now.”

David replies, “Ah gotcha.  I’ll be in my room if you need me.”  David walks out, leaving me here. I don’t know if I should walk after him or not.  I don’t like stupid Enid. David isn’t trustworthy but he at least tries. Listening in on this conversation would spite her but it’s not like I wouldn’t be in the same room as her.  Gwen and David won’t protect me and I can’t protect me. No, look at this another way. If you can’t use your strength, use your wits. Only, I’ve lost a lot of my wits. I don’t know why though if I can to guess, it’s due to being transferred to this body.  I decide to get up and find David. At least he hasn’t actually hurt me. I find him sorting through various pieces of clothes.

David smiles and waits for me to settle next to him.  Then he removes my toga, revealing the little dominatrix outfit from before.  I’d forgotten how it does actually look just a little cool. He sits down and pulls me onto his lap.  He strokes my hair and says, “You have a beautiful body, but just because you’re safe is no reason I can’t savour the excitement of it.”  He rubs along my back and feels my tummy. Does this mean that I’m safe? I made the right choice? I can just enjoy my outfit in peace?

Then seeming to change his mind on a whim, David asks, “So you want to do something fun?  We could play a game. Chess, cards, hangman?”

“No.”  Not even if you make this the strip versions.  Actually, especially not if you make this strip versions, Mr Has Already Removed My Toga.

“Okay, we could do something else. What about something musical?”  David pulls out his guitar from nowhere. Bet he would even have that thing in jail.  “We could play together.” I lift up my hands and flop them around his guitar strings until he understands.  “Oh you can’t do much with your hands.” He looks around and finds a tambourine. “You can play this just fine.”  He straps the tambourine to my arm and I guess I have to play or he’ll get other ideas about me.

He starts playing a love song I’m not familiar with. It’s about this adorable boy who has given up on love despite the singer being madly in love with him.  I kind of like it. Like as soppy guitar ballads go, it’s not bad. There’s this one but were David sings, “I understand if I’m not the one but can’t you accept it may be someone.”  It’s not good but at least the song shows at least two seconds worth of thought so it’s better than most. I don’t mind shaking along to it, but I’d never choose to listen to it.

We keep on playing and it’s clear that David is just enjoying the music. This is fine.  It doesn’t need to be sexual. It isn’t. I made the right choice. But then, stupid Enid’s action wasn’t sexual.  No, it was but it wasn’t sexy, not even to her, but it was sexual.

David puts down his guitar and asks, “You want to kiss now?”

I put my hand towards his guitar in my best pointing manner and say, “Please.”  He grins and picks it up ready to play again. Distraction achieved. His next song is about ‘I love you.’  Very generic. I’m surprised he wants a boring romance like that, even if he outright say he was a what was the word he used, very romantic.  I don’t get into the song this time but I act like I am and David is well, David: completely unable to tell the difference.

He sets it down again.  I grin and with a simple point ask, “Please.”  He joyfully starts playing again. It’s a old song this time. That beatles song: All You Need Is Love.  I find myself playing along pretty willingly even though I swear David is just getting sappier and sappier.  In a way though at least playing something this hippy like at least makes my playing feel fitting. I don’t feel like a broken body but like an old hippy who doesn’t care if the song is repetitive.  I just keep on shaking and letting David play. Maybe I’ll even start smiling. If I keep this up, David might even forget to be a danger. No, from what he’s been saying, he needs to remember not to be one.  No, that’s not right either?

He plays happily and if I didn’t know his secret, I would be so content.  Sure, I’d never ask to spend my time like this but it isn’t bad. No, I’m being ridiculous.  David never has been trustworthy. He’s an adult after all. Sure, he tried harder than most but that, that just was to get in my pants.  Adults have universally shown themselves to be stuck up, lazy and small minded.

All you need is love, love, love.

I think he’s getting the idea that I’m enjoying this.  Good.

David starts to sing, “There’s a place I know that’s-”

“No.”

He says, “But I wrote this song.”  I know.  That doesn't make it a good song.

Anything but that.  Even Taylor Swift would be better.

“Oh, you want to kiss?”

This is a cruel choice, David.  I point at this heart and try to get the hippy song on again.  “Please.”

David pulls me closer and places his lips on mine.  It feels weird. I don’t know what I thought kissing would feel like but David’s lips feel so thick.  No, it’s that my own lips are weirdly thin and the muscles circuits insides aren’t what I’m used to. This kiss is really just stressing that my body isn’t mine.  I don’t even feel disgusted by David’s actions, just small.

He puts his guitar down and pulls me into his lap.  Next, he kisses me again, but on the forehead. It could almost be mistaken for family like.  He then waits, though I’m not sure what for.

“You not going to kiss back?  Are you shy?”

“No.”  I would never be too shy to deal with you.  I’m not weak. I can defeat you. I point to the guitar and say, “Please.”

“Ah, want to build a bit of a relationship, first.  I guess that’s fair enough.”

It’ll at least give me time.  “Yes.” I know you won’t take that as ten years of time but that would be nice.

“Aw, that’s really cute.  I praise your creator.” He frowns then asks, “Who did create you anyway?”

Do you mean the robot thing or are you asking who my parents are?  What next, you’ll ask if they loved each other very much? “Yes, no, please.”  I miss my voice box.

David grimaces and says, “Ah, sorry.  Erm, are you a Honeyco Robot?”

It’s not like I can give you a better reply.  “Yes, no, please.”

“You don’t know?”

“Yes.”  I would explain more if I could.

“Guess I’d better ask Honeyco then.”  He goes and picks up a laptop before turning it on.  “I’ve been selfish. Someone might actually need you.”  He turns it on and looks for Honeyco and the site pretty quickly turns up.  He soon finds a email and copies ‘honeyco@humanoid.net’ and pastes it over to his own email but I don’t see his email address anywhere.  His email is simple:

**Dear Kisaragi,**

**I hope you’re having a wonderful day.  I believe I may have found one of your machines.  It doesn’t have the iconic pink heart in a gold heart logo anywhere on it but it is very well designed, just like the best of your robots are.  I can assure that it’s in full working order despite having fallen out of a truck near my house. I haven’t slept with it, so your client needed worry about me having anything though I doubt that’s the case anyway.**

**Max (sorry I kind of named it) has pretty dark brown curly hair, dark skin, an 80s inspired screen, is just below the ‘dwarf’ height, smallest of the penis options, a nice big head with cute chubby cheeks, nice little hands and cute little feet.  I think the stitches and leather are supposed to suggest a steampunk aesthetic, maybe? It’s very cute anyway. I know you say you only create a few bots per year so I doubt I’ll need a picture but no one creates robots like you do and Max is clearly really well coded.  Sometimes it feels like he’s alive. You and your team have done a wonderful job on him.**

**I’m happy to drop him off with you if you can’t reveal where he’s supposed to be.**

**Yours faithfully**

**David Blake**

As he’s clicking send, I can’t help but feel sad.  I never got to see David’s email address. Shame. That could be useful.  I would totally sign him up to dumbass mailing lists and flood him with all the spam.

Looking at David look through his inbox, it all looks so normal.  Social media updates mostly. A few emails of cats and stuff to his mum.  She must not be very tech savvy. What’s honeyco’s excuse? Do I care? No, not really.  He opens one up from a friend and then goes onto his facebook and tells Gwen that her selfie is cute and gives it a thumbs up, only to then say the same thing of half the stuff on his wall.  It isn’t bad, to be honest. I’m not much of a selfie person though.

He then logs out and puts the laptop away.  He picks up the guitar and starts to play a new song, “Maxwell, I have been missing you.”  Oh fuck. “Maxi, you’re the cutest little boy I’ve seen and I am so glad to be singing to you.”  He’s making this up as he goes along. “Maxwell, you’re so cute I want to teach you how to pleasure me.”  David, are you trying to make the Camp Campbell song seem good in comparison? If you are it’s working. “I want kiss you and cuddle you and feel you up.”  Maybe it is working. “I want to show you a world of happiness.” Fuck, David, this is terrible and you should feel terrible for singing like this.

Gwen walks in.  “Don’t tell me, you’re trying to romance a robot before you screw it?  You better not be one of those weirdos that gets all emotional when the roomba stops working.”

David blushes.  “I wasn’t sure when when you would be back.”

“I suppose walking in on you fucking a child, even if it is a sex bot child would be really creepy so thanks.  I guess that’s a nice thing to do.” She plonks her bag down and sits down, clearly tired. “I find the idea of you dating a child creepy to though.”  

“But Gwen, it’s true love.”  He puts his hands together to form a little heart.  Damn, David, even your melodrama is pathetic. “It can’t be anything else, because he’s just a bunch of ones and zeros.”

She laughs and says, “Oh, fine then, but I want a cute vampire b- man then.”  Not you too.

David smirks but he doesn’t say anything on Gwen’s slip up.  I guess it’s not her too. He instead happily says, “I’ll ask Honeyco how much that would cost when they reply to my email.”

“Honeyco?  Why would you contact Honeyco?  You already have the sexbot of your dreams and it would take them months to make you another one?  You’re not asking for his cheeks to be 10% chubbier or some shit?  Plus I wouldn't want a honeyco one anyway.  Give me a nice sexy man from M.O.E any day of the week.”

“They’re so creepy.”

“What?  Because they look like adults.”

“No, because they look like people, but not like people.  Look at how much cuter Max is because they don’t try to hide that he’s not human.”  David takes cups my cheeks. “He feels like a human but looks like a bot. Surely that’s much better.”

There comes a little beep and David lifts up his phone.  He grins. “Honeyco replied.” He opens up the email. At first David sounds a little disappointed, “Dear David, we regret to inform you that we have never produced a robot that sounds anything like how you describe Max.  Please could you photograph him to prove that he’s real. We are curious about a possible rival. In the eventuality that you are a troll, we will not be telling you our address and have a PO box where you would drop off Max.  Yours sincerely, Kisaragi.” By the end he sounds so excited he could pop. Weird, the news is terrible. I wanted Honeyco to know who did this to me.

Gwen frowns.  She says, “So that sounds dangerous.  Damn, I have to admit I had been hoping I would be wrong about the whole ‘set up’ thing.”

Almost as though Gwen hasn’t spoken, David spouts, “Maybe, whoever set this up is on our side.  They want me not to be a unforgivable person and know that Max here can help.” That’s a nice thought.  I doubt that they would have given me a brain if they wanted to help you like that though. Oh. Fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck.  Fucking shitty fuck. Fucking hell. That’s it. This is happening to punish you for trying to be a decent person. What kind of a sick person would do such a thing?  What kind of a sick person would punish a child to punish an adult?

No that doesn’t exist.  There’s no way such evil could exist.  People are lazy, stuck up and small minded but they’re not evil.  Putting this much effort in just to spite someone for not fucking a kid takes effort and a weird amount of intelligence, though it is pretty stuck up.  If they’re smart enough to program a me bot, they’re smart enough to know that fucking kids is wrong. But I’m here. So how can this be? Is fucking kids okay?  Am I just be pathetic? Should I try and… should I seduce David?

No, it would kill him.

No, it would hurt.

No, I don’t want to.

Seduce David?  I would never.  Why seduce him when I can pick on him and make him feel small?  As soon as I figure out how I’ll be getting our relationship back to that level, I’m going to.  I’ll make you feel so small so that I don’t feel below you.  Making you play songs will be small stuff in comparison to the things I will do.  Still, just for now, being able to make you play until your fingers bleed is so empowering.  I guess I’m the pathetic one now, clinging to this one act of violence.  I will never seduce you because I’m a bad kid.  A bad kid who just wanted to seduce you because I let myself get scared. Because somehow seducing you looked for a second like it would help.  How? I don’t fucking know?  Just don’t start thinking that if that second of me takes over it means that I’m agreeing to anything. Don’t delude yourself as you so often do.

I zone back into the conversation.  Gwen is saying, “Well, I’d want fangs, just the right about of muscle so that I could be pinned down and long locks of hair.”

David giggles then tries to act disgusted but he can’t pretend worth shit.  “How disgusting Gwen. Your sexuality is just so creepy.”

Maybe it’s for the best that David can’t act. Gwen replies, “Oh, knock it off, child lover!”  She is so comfortable around David.  It gives me hope. Maybe someday, I will be jokingly calling David a child lover too.  No. Better still: call him a ex child lover someday.  I can beat that.  Call him a child lover as in someone who loves children in a non sexual way!

“Never, wolf lover.”  Really, Gwen? I don’t think even Nikki went that far.

“Werewolf!  There is a difference!”  I love how easy this comes to Gwen.  I guess when you’re going against David though you don’t really have to try too hard with shit talk.

“I’m sure there is.”  David really isn’t wearing banter well but it’s great watching Gwen relax to it.  They must have been friends for a long time. At least they trust each other with some really big things…  Unless. At least David is trusting her with something he wouldn’t tell anyone else. No, it has to be a false memory.

Gwen blushes revealing that there really isn’t.  “Okay but you see. There’s well, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want a wolf that’s never human.”

David grins, clearly enjoying what knowing him, must be the first time he’s ever succeeded at banter.  “I used to love the idea of a magical person who would transform into a child during sex.”

“What’s up with you anyway?  Finally taking my bad influence in.”

“Just for now.”  He then starts blushing. “I’m not going too far am I?”  He looks so nervous, it’s honestly adorable.

“No. I have said way worse to you. Pedo!”

David looks unhappy for all of a second before putting on his best smile.  He starts playing his guitar again.  This time just mindlessly strumming.  I kind of like not really being center of attention like this.  It is pretty quiet outside of David’s plucking.

Gwen pulls roughly on my face.  She looks over my face. “If I didn’t know this was a sexbot, I’d find it pretty cute.”

David defends, “It’s still pretty cute.”

“You say that with a lot of bias.”

“Fine then, let’s go with a third opinion.  Max, are you cute?”

I guess so.  “Yes.” Do I want that?  No. I think I would sooner be ugly.

“There see.  Adorable.”

“Oh, fine then, Max is a little cutie.  It does make me miss the real Max more though.”  Are you saying I’m not acting like myself? I’d like to see you act perfectly fine after having your brain messed with, spending a year alone, then discovering that the one adult you could trust is… fucking scary.

“Yeah, though I imagine this Max would react the same way to a suggestion of camping.”  David grins and starts strumming that damn song but thankfully he doesn’t start singing.  “Not even, at hik-”

Gwen growls, “Don’t you dare!”  David just laughs.  Gwen then reaches into her pocket.  "By the way, Enid paid me a bit more than usual due to the suddenness of her session.  Does this cover what I owe you for the room?"

David looks at the money and counts it out.  "Just about.  Hope you get more clients soon."

"Or a real job.  Being self employed isn't my idea of fun.  My counselling isn't even all that helpful… though there is something I should talk about with you."  She then settles down on the bed.  “David, we need to talk about the real Max.”

Oh, please.  Yes, lets see what you say about me when you think I’m not around.

David pouts, but when it’s clear Gwen won’t let up he says, “Okay, though we're still on the previous agreement.”  Gwen rolls her eyes at the last bit but no one says what the agreement was.

“David, as great as I think this new Max may be for you, I want you to promise me you won’t start thinking that this is Max.  Max is dead. Max died, slowly and painfully and you did whatever you could to do to save him.”

Oh?  I don’t remember that.  I remember seeing David run towards the car, it hitting a tree.  David crying. Nikki flying through the windshield. Niel being scared.  Must have been ordered differently. Still, that’s all I remember.

David puts his guitar down.  He looks directly at Gwen and says, “I know.  Max is dead. Max remains dead. I didn’t kill him.  But isn’t that all the more reason that the sexbot is less to worry about?  Now I know what I won’t fall along the slippery slope and hurt Max.” I won’t seduce you.  Don’t you fear that, David. I’ll help you to remain where you are on this slope. Maybe Gwen can even get you off it and on top of the happy hill.

“I’m not worried about you offending.  I’m worried about you getting yourself down.  David, it isn’t healthy to handle grief like this.  I trust you to know when you’re averting your feelings and when you’re expanding them.  I don’t think the slippery slope is a thing in your case.” Why?

This would be really touching if I wasn’t alive.  I wonder if this is what being a ghost is like, only more dangerous.  I think I met one once but that could easily be just my mind messing with me.

“Gwen, if there’s a problem, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.  Unless I stand a chance of offending, I don’t want to stop trying with this Max.  After all, me getting hurt would be so much less awful than…”

“You don’t need this.  You have been coping and if Max blew up tomorrow, you would cope.”

“What are you saying?”

Yes, what are you saying, Gwen?

“I’m saying that maybe the reason you believe that Max is a benevolent gift, is because you want that to be the case.  There is something wrong and I don’t know what.”

David frowns and I can see him think about this.  I could almost describe it as gears turning, but let’s face it.  That’s me and can never be anyone else again. “You don’t find Max creepy, because he’s a child, but because he’s a robot?”

“Sort of.”  Then she looks away.  “I know it may sound weird but I’m both excited and scared.  I had thought that everything involving Max was over. It’s been hard coping since then and as happy as it’s made me making things better, I don’t want things to become difficult again.  I just can’t help but get the feeling that. I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

David looks to me as though I can communicate just how much I want Gwen to understand that yes, there is a reason that using me for my intended purpose won’t make anyone worthwhile happy.  I can’t even show my anger, sadness or fear. I just stand here, sometimes making little gestures that flow meaninglessly. If you could at least see that I’m afraid you would be acting so differently.  You would ask questions that I could yes no to and I could tell you I’m alive. Everything would be fixed. David, why are you looking at me as though I could indicate any of this? I can’t. David, you fool.  I turn away. It’s all I can do.

“I don’t understand Gwen.  Are you going to hurt this Max?”

“No.  That would be a terrible idea.  Even if my fear is right and Max does make your grief regress, it would have to be your choice to give this Max up.”  Then what? Would I be given on to someone else? You could probably make a lot of money selling me. Who would you sell me to?  No, it’s not going to come to this. I’ll find a way to show I’m alive. How? How? How?

Ignore David and Gwen.

How can I prove I’m alive?  What do I know that a robot wouldn’t?  About emotion. No good. I can’t show them.  About Max. That could be programmed in.

Would they figure on that out?

It’s all I’ve got.

So what about me can I use?  What haven’t they spoken about?  David’s been surprisingly quiet about camp.  He’s tried to sing that awful song but other than that he’s not really said anything.  Is it because I ‘died’ at camp? Gwen did say that he blamed himself. Weird since he wasn’t in the car.  It was just me, Nikki and Neil. Nikki and Neil. They haven't come up. Oh, how I’ve missed them too. Nikki and her adventures.  Neil and his science. His science. He could prove that I’m alive. I’m sure that he would spot the signs in seconds. So how do I say I want Neil.  I can just about push things around. I could try pushing books into the words, ‘call Neil’. I get up. I walk towards the bookcase and tip the books off.

“What is the bot doing?”  I ignore Gwen. All will be clear soon enough.

“Maybe it just really dislikes your way of organising your books.  I can see robots getting frustrated with lack of order.” A logical answer, but not the right one.  Just give me time to…

Don’t fucking help me.  Damn it David! “No.” He pouts but gets the idea.

Gwen says, “I don’t see any better order.

There aren’t really enough books to make this work.  Let’s see. My virginity, David’s peace of mind and years of trauma for both of us, or some books.  I force one of the books up and pull at the spine. Gwen pulls me away from them and picks up all the books.  “Don’t let it handle anything like this again.”

“I’ll see if I can find what sort of glitch this is.”

“Probably just lacking in electricity or something.”

I’m forcibly removed from the room.  I’m placed in a corner, with a plug in my arm and told to stay put.  I can do this. After all, they’ll need to go to sleep at some point.  I’ll just need to stay up.


	3. It's Not Like I Like You Or Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if you don't like this chapter. I have to admit I'm really nervous about it. I've never written anything quite like this before and it did make me nervous about posting.

David is asleep.  I can’t sleep. Gwen is asleep in her own room.  I fucking can’t sleep. I don’t want to sleep but that I don’t have the choice is driving me mad.  I don’t know if other sexbots that contain brains could sleep. I’ve never been turned on like this before.  They used to turn me off all the time. During that week, it was on again, off again. They wanted to prove to me that I’m nothing.  But I’m not nothing. I’m Maxwell Reddy. I was the worst child at Camp Campbell, fucking St Estoc’s Elementary and all the shitty after school clubs I’ve been forced to join.  I can find a way to survive. I’m smart, brave and sly. Who cares if I only have one night? I- I’m pretty sure that if I don’t think of something soon, David will do something he’ll regret.  There’s just something about how he acts that makes me think, ‘one night’. I have to put my mind to good use. It doesn’t matter if I can’t name my issues because I still feel them.

I get up and start to explore the house.  It takes an alarmingly large amount of strength but I’m able to open the door and enter the next room.  I see. They’ve trapped me in the other room. Still it wasn’t much of a block. Guess they know I’m weak as shit.  It’s another ordinary looking room. I walk over to a table with a bunch of books and a telephone on it. There may be an address book.  One with numbers in. It would be old fashioned but this is David. I still can’t control my hands too well but I can push at the book which clearly has addresses and number in it, and it make it fall off the table.  Book is open. Okay, first fucking part is done. Now to look at the pages. What was Neil’s last name?

I’ll just have to go paper by paper and try and hope that a name sounds familiar.  That is assuming that Neil is even here. If he’s even listed as Neil and not his fucking useless parents’ names.  If he’s even alive. They thought the car accident killed me after all. Well, if he’s not alive, I’ll just have to try something else.  If I keep moving ahead with this, I at least won’t be doing nothing. It might at the very least get through that I’m alive and therefore in danger.  He must be in here somewhere. No, I don’t think he was ever close to David. I can’t not do this though. It’s too much of a risk and it’s the only plan I have.  At least it’s quiet. I try to be careful but getting these pages to move is going to be a pain.

Neil!  On the first page is a Neil.  Neil wouldn’t have that last name though.  It’s just wrong somehow. Moving on. Neil appears again.  Probably not my Neil. As I try to turn the page it rips.

Good.  I rip out the page completely.  I’ll just show David the right Neil when I find it.  I even go and find the previous Neil. Soon I have a collection of twenty Neils, none of them the right one.  That can be one plan. I leave my work and get up to see if there’s a cabinet with files in it. I know that if one exists it’s more likely to be at camp, but I have to try something.  I make my way around the house and find nothing. As I sneak into David’s room to try there, I wish that I could see better. I dare not turn on the light here though. I instead make my way over to the window.  David looks so sweet as he sleeps. He’s a light sleeper so I have to be so careful. I don’t think there’s anything here. Still, I strain to try and see if maybe one of the bed room furniture doubles up as a file system.  I can’t open this.

Squeak!  I turn round and look at David.  He’s waking up. I’m not breathing so it’s not like I’m changing my breath but I’m scared.  I swear he can hear me. I would be holding my breath. He looks at me with lidded eyes. He turns on the light and pulls me closer.  “I’m sorry I’ve been abandoning you. You must be so bored.” This is just a hug, right? His lips land on my cheek. This won’t be for a hug.

“No.”  I don’t wanna fuck!

He crawls a bit closer to me and pulls me into the bed.  “I believe I know what it is you want.” He crawls his hands across my front and pulls off my T-shirt.  “I’ve been wanting to give it to you since I first saw you. You’re just so cute. You’re well designed.  No hiding what you are and in this room, there’s nothing for me to hide. We can just enjoy each other…” He brings his lips down just a little closer to my lips and kisses me gently.  “You’re adorable.” No, I’m not.

I pull back with a “no”.  I don’t want to be like this.  This wasn’t why I came here. David, you’ll regret this.

“Ah, sorry, I forgot we never got round to taking you out of rape fantasy mode.”  That’s not a thing. I don’t want it to be a thing. He pulls my arm over and opens up the flap.  The fact that I can’t see around that flap is the closest thing to that mode that exists. He pulls my instruction book from his bedside and starts to fiddle.  I don’t want it to be a mode.

“No, no, no, no, no!”  Why is he still doing this?  No no no. What aren’t I speaking?  Why the fuck aren’t I saying no?

He smiles and puts my flap down.  “You want to make love?”

NO!  “Yes.”  What the fuck?  What the fuck have you done to me?  No. “Yes.” Think Max. Think. Morse Code!  I vaguely remember o. SOS could be dot dot dot dash dash dot dot dot?  It’s worth a try. Will you understand if I try turning the dashes into pleases?  “Yes yes yes please please please yes yes yes.” Please understand David.

David smiles his stupid smile and asks, “You want to be kissed by someone over twice your age?”  He feels along my ‘ribs’, all six of them.

Maybe it was the other way round.  “Please please please yes yes yes please please please.”

Concentrate.  His hands are removing my trainers.  Is this making love? What even is love if this is making it?  I can’t shake my head. I can’t fight back and David doesn’t even know.  He isn’t looking at my face anyway. His face is instead on my skirt. His lips are on my belly button.  He keeps on kissing me. I hate how happy you look, David. That smile. That fold in his pants. I know what’s causing it.  I hate it. I hate my body. I hate so much. I hate everything.

David says, sadly, “You’ve gone rather quiet.”

Of course I have.  I don’t want to say yes anymore.  I would be crying if I could. Why can’t you see that I don’t want this?  How can you be so thick?

“Are you feelings shy?  I’d like it if you explored my body too.”  When I don’t react he becomes frustrated and whines, “Isn’t this why sexbots are a thing?”  He then goes back to smiling a happy smile. “Would you like me to strip?” Fucking hell, David, this isn’t something you can just power through like everything else in life.  “I like the idea of making my partner happy even they’re just a bunch of code.” Don’t remind me. I know that if I could express myself you wouldn’t want this. I’m sorry I can’t tell you but you fucked up my no.

I keep my body stiff.  If nothing else I won’t give him the sexual experience he wants.  See David. See, I’m not into this. I’m not into you. I’m not into having sex right now.

“Do I need to fiddle with your programing more?  I need you to do more than just say yes.”

I’m not saying a thing.  I’m not replying. I hope you get the hint since I can’t resist I can at least do nothing.  He feels up my body, but there’s less direction this time. David, you’ll regret this so stop.  He travels up my body crawling over me. “Come on. Are you glitching? Do I need to press something?”  He grabs hold of my arm again and frowns. Swinging off me he sits down and starts looking at my controls.  He’s clearly turned on and yet… “You’re supposed to be fine and are according to this.” He releases my arm and puts his hands on his chin to think.  “Why aren’t you into me? You’re literally programmed to be into anyone.”

Yes but you don’t want this.  You only think you want this. Wait my legs can move.  I have to take advantage of this situation. I run as fast as I can.  My legs aren’t. David doesn’t want this! I get away from the bed, out of the room, into the hall.  When I’m by the phone I sit by the papers. I need to get across that I need Neil right now. David follows and I just want to cry.

I push the papers towards him.  He starts to shake. I can’t see his face.  He’s going to rape me. He hates me for ripping his phone book, especially after all the other books.

“Why would you do this?”  Why are you scared? He looks at the papers.  “Why are you running? Please, let’s get back to bed and just screw.  You can’t… I can’t…”

Oh my fuck, he’s finally putting two and two together.  I point at each Neil and say, “Please.”

“You want someone called Neil… and your name is Max… and you…”  He opens up his phone and looks through the contacts. Then his expression changes.  He asks, “Can you say no?”

”Please.”  Get out of your denial.

He covers his mouth and I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so horrified in my life.  Still he doesn’t cry or scream. His eyes just widen and he looks at me, as though he half expects me to disappear.  He wants me to disappear. Sooner I not exist, then he have to admit what he has done? I don’t know. He then starts to cry, just a few little tears.  He selects the contact and waits. It’s the middle of the night. Will anyone even reply? It doesn’t take long before I can just about hear a female voice, but I don’t know what she’s saying.  David says, “Please let me speak uto Neil.” His worried voice says more than his words ever could. He has ruined himself. He didn’t do what I thought he would do but he’s done enough. Damn it, David how am I supposed to hate you when you’re like this?  “Please, I need to speak to Neil. It’s urgent.” The voice points out that it’s the middle of the night. He continues begging. I hug him but he shakes me off. Maybe I’m no longer sexy.

Finally we hear Neil’s voice.  “What the fuck do you want David?”

“I need help.  I think Max is alive.”  Think! How is it not obvious?

“David, I am literally a fucking child.  Go talk to Gwen.” Yes, you, Neil are literally a child but fucking Gwen can’t help.  Also shitty use of the word fucking. I know you don’t know that David’s a pedo but damn.  What about ‘fucking hell David, I’m a literal child. Go fucking talk to Gwen.’ Much better.  I wish I could speak properly.

“But you’re all sciency.”  He must sound so pathetic. His voice is full of emotion but since Neil knows nothing of David’s guilt, it must just sound too much.  So childlike and whiney. “You went to science camp and everything.” I never thought this would be a problem. I feel like I should have through.  How could I forget how annoying David is? At least the worst is behind me now.

“The dead can’t be brought back to life.  There. Science over.” See, David.

“Please I think some monster has put Max’s I don’t know what into a sexbot.  He knew about you without me saying anything. Please, he insists he’s alive and fiddling with his programing has only made everything nasty.”  Nasty? This isn’t just nasty David! It was beyond nasty. It was cruel and relentless. Weren’t you hurt too?

“David, I think you’re having a breakdown.  Call Gwen, not me. Gwen.” He is having a breakdown but you’re the one he needs.  He needs to accept that he’s touched me and I didn’t want that. He needs to accept his mistake.  You’re the one who can prove that I’m alive.

“Please at least look at the robot.  Please!” He’s shrieking. Hysterics.  Quit the sap, David, I’m the victim. You’re just… you’re just an idiot.

“Fine.  I’m not dealing with this now though.  I should be able to catch a bus after school tomorrow though.  Make sure Gwen or Nikki is around though. I’m not dealing with your stupidity alone.”

I say, “No.”  I don’t want to be left with David.

I don’t have a day!  I’m scared. I need Neil now.  It doesn't matter that my fear is unfounded.  I push the papers towards David. “Please.”

Nervously he suggests, “I can pick you up now if that’s okay.”

“Why are you so fucking desperate to see me?  What are you doing with a sexbot anyway?”

“It’s not me.  It’s Max who wants to see you.”

“Fine.  If this is a fucking prank or some shit, you’re dead to me.”  The phone line goes dead.

David runs upstairs and shoves my T-shirt back on.  Guess he doesn’t consider the skirt that sexual. Weird.  It’s more like a belt than a skirt. The sort of skirt shitty sitcom dads complain about their daughters wearing.  Has he just forgotten how normal people see children? Have I? He takes me out to his car and straps me in. I’m going to see Neil.  I’m so happy. Oh fuck. I’m in a car. Can’t we walk?

I make my hands shake to show how scared I am and David says, “It’s okay.  It’s not far to Neil’s at all.” I don’t like this. Last few times I was in a car did not go well.

Stupid me!  This is David.  David could never hurt me.  He didn’t even mean to… I don’t want to think about it.

Is he aware that he’s still in his pyjamas?  Is he aware that he’s still slightly turned on and that I can see that?  Is he aware that he’s disgusting? Is he aware that I’m hurt?

“Max?  Just so you know, I’m sorry.  I honestly thought you were just a fleshlight with a chatbot attached.  Can you forgive me?”

Oh.  You are aware of everything, David.  But what can I do with this? How can I look at you?  You made a mistake. I can’t hate you for wanting to fuck a fleshlight but the fact that I was that fleshlight is unforgivable.  But it was an accident. An accident you never could have seen coming. I hang out with Neil and I didn’t see it coming. Androids are so new that I haven't even heard of another one.  Not outside of fiction. Sexbots are new. I was only vaguely aware of them before the car crash. Disability bots aren’t even all that common. I sometimes saw gofundme campaigns for them.  Not all of them succeed. Doubt much has changed in a year.

“Yes.”  Definitely yes.  “Yes, yes yes yes.”  I **can** forgive you but don’t think for a second that that means you are forgiven.

He shivers.  I guess that wasn’t the best way to put that.  Not that it matters.

I should try starting up conversation.  No, he can’t be distracted. I need to see Neil.  It’s just a car trip. This isn’t going to end with David going through the window, screaming to stop and everything going blank.

Paranoia is not going to win.

I cross my arms over.  I’m going to see Neil. I hope he accepts me.  I hope me being alive isn’t too much of a shock.  Oh, my fuck, he’s alive. Is Nikki alive too? After all the accident almost killed me.  I’m sure that his place will be nice enough. He does have divorced parents so that could mean anything.  Or nothing. It could me sod all.

David rolls up to a block of flats and takes me up to the fourth floor.  He rings the doorbell and the second the door opens he pushes himself inside dragging me with him.  David says, “Please take a look, now.”

Neil rolls his eyes but then looks at me then sends a death glare towards David.  He sides over and gingerly puts a hand on me. I feel him feel around, but it’s completely different from how David was doing so before.  I watch his face change. “Hmmm… I’m no expert in robots but I’m willing to take a look.” You know a damn lot more than I do. He pulls out a screw driver and starts to remove a few things from the back of my head.  I see my hair come off and he then pulls away my screen. “Fuck!”

David’s mouth opens.  Why are you shocked? What do you see?

Neil says, “Okay, this proves that there’s a brain inside but it doesn’t mean that it’s Max.  Lets see. What would Max know that David wouldn’t?” Everything. “What did Daniel want to do to us?”

David says, “Max can only say ‘yes’ and ‘please’.”

Neil frowns.  “Okay, do you remember morse code?”  I can’t shake my head. He starts to list it and I point towards a book and mime writing with my hands, not that they’d be able to handle that.  “Okay, you’re definitely alive. There's no way a computer could spot books and come up with the writing idea.”

“Yes.”

“Do we know each other?”

“Yes.”

“Are you Max?”

“Yes.”  I can make this more clear, if you provide me with morse code.  I point towards his phone and he gets the idea. He flips out his phone and shows me the old picture showing how to speak morse code.  I look at it and slowly begin to say, “Yes yes yes yes yes please yes please please. Please yes yes yes yes yes please yes yes. Yes yes yes please please please please yes yes yes yes please yes.  Please please yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes please yes yes. Please yes please please please please please yes yes please.”

“Fucking hell.  What happened to you?”

I shrug.

Neil’s mum says, “Before we get carried away, I have a question.”

Oh?

We all look at her.  I drift my eyes over to David and Neil.  They both just look shocked. “What’s David doing with a child sexbot anyway?”

David looks back to me and almost replied when Neil shouts, “Who gives a shit!  Max is alive.”

If David didn’t look so relieved I would feel relieved.  I need to distract them. I’m not fucking well going to loose after I’ve come this far.  I place a hand on Neil’s shoulder and try to get his attention.

“Please don’t touch my son.”

David shouts, “It’s not Max’s fault he’s a set bot.  Treat him with some respect. We know he’s alive now so the least he deserves is that those that know try.”

Is this my life now?  I don’t want this. Give me my old body back!

Neil says, “I’m fine with Max touching me, Mum.  I’m sure that there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for all of this.  Now, I’m going to fix everything and get Max to be able to talk and it’ll be fine.  It’ll be fine. It’ll be fucking fine.”

David agrees, “A box containing it fell out of a truck near my house.  I wanted to check if it worked.”

“Why?  Sorry, but my first reaction would be to smash the horrible idea to smithereens.”  Ow!

Neil agrees, “I guess so.  I mean a sexbot designed to look so much like a child we all thought is dead would particularly be…”  How can you say that in front of me? Didn’t you just hear David? Are you just? You can’t fucking be in denial that I’m back.  I’m the victim.

David is shaking.  I guess tonight has just been too much.  I walk over and put hand on his shoulder.  He doesn’t start crying like I thought he would.  He just sits down and starts clinging to himself. “I’m sorry.”

I don’t think he can lie at this stage.  How can I judge him? It’s just too much.  I wish I had time to think. I can lie though.  I can cover for him. I just need a little bit of time.  Just give me a few seconds. I’ll come up with something.

Neil straight up asks, “Are you lying about how you got Max?”

David shakes his head. “No but your suspicions about me being a p-pedophile are r-right.”  David, you moron! Why did you out yourself? He looks away, ashamed, even though he stopped when he understood I didn’t want sex.  “I-” He stops his excuse before it even comes. It’s not fair. He has a decent explanation for almost molesting me.

Neil’s mum is very clear.  “Get out of my house. Never return.  Never go anywhere near my son.” She’s shaking and I can see in her eyes the desire to hit David.  I don’t want to be left with a violent woman. I don’t want to go with a man who made me feel icky.  No, she is worse. She knows what she’s doing. David didn’t, right?

David stands up and walks towards the door.  I thought it would be safer with Neil and I don’t want things to end for David like this.  Worst he did was kiss my tummy! I cling to his hand to try to walk with him. I’m pulled back.  David gives me one last look of sadness. He leaves me anyway. I’m held back and unable to follow.  He is gone. Would he go if he knew I was so scared?

Neil’s mum is already calling the police and I feel awful.  Sure, I’m still angry but I don’t want things to end like this.  Please don’t mention David!

Neil takes me to his room and soon he’s removing my T-shirt.  He glares at the fetish wear underneath. He puts a hand on the ties holding it together and I have to stop him from removing it.  “Don’t you want to be fixed?”

I shake my body back and forth in the hopes that he gets that I’m scared.

“I just want to make everything better.  You don’t have to be sexual anymore. You don’t-”

Then leave it on.  Just don’t see it as sexual.  I wouldn’t had… No, I would have done.  I don’t know. I just… “Yes no please.”

Neil removes his hands and stops.  He smiles and says, “Okay.” He starts to cry.  “I’m missed you so much.” His own hands are shaking.  “I don’t-” He then turns to his computer. “Let’s begin by giving you a bit more of a voice, hey?”  He starts up the machine. He knows I’m the machine that’s alive right. He pulls me over and finds an usb cable that plugs into to my arm.  I’m completely subservient. I hate this. Then he starts to open up some programs. He frowns annoyed that the first one he tries doesn’t connect, then on the forth one he grins.  He sets about fiddling with my coding, though I can’t help but wonder what coding I have. How exactly do I work?

Neil says, “Say no.”

“No.”  Ah that feels good.  Now let me say fuck.

Neil turns back and says, “I’m sorry David was mean to you.  I never thought he would be the type.”

“No.”

“Oh?”  Don’t oh me?  I can’t explain myself.  Quickly he understands my silence and tries, “Was David mean to you?”

“No.”  Not deliberately anyway.

“But he’s…”  Quit panicking.  I’m the...

“Yes.”  Yes, he is a pedophile but he’s not a pedophile.  Though he did call himself one so does that mean that he’s…  I hate this. He was nice to me. No, he was… He was nice sometimes and there was a point where he was neither good nor bad.  It’s hard to explain even to myself. Even if I had the words. I miss my old sense of words. I could cut people down and make them feel so small.

“He put you in that sexy outfit and he wanted to fuck you.”

“Yes,” but he didn’t fuck me.  That matters. Your mum on the other hand would have killed me just for existing!

Neil turns away.  “I don’t understand.  I’m just going to focus on what I can understand.”  He pulls out a tool box and says, “What would you like improved first?”  I point to my hands. “Okay. Two sets of working hands coming up.” He starts by opening them up and twisting blots around.  “I’ve learnt a lot from experimenting with Nikki’s arm.”

Nikki?

“Oh, yeah, you went unconscious after the accident.  She lost an arm. She’s got a robot arm now. That’s why I’m living with my Mum currently.  We wanted to recover together. She’s going to be so excited to know that you’re alive.”

I point to each arm and say ‘please’.  After a short amount of thought Niel says, “It was her left arm.”

I can hear footsteps.  A police officer comes in and looks me over.  I feel the way that they push my buttons. “You sure that this is Max?”

Neil says, “Yes.”  He calmly walks over from his computer and says, “Everything David said and everything Max has said has pointed to that being the case.  Plus you can see his brain behind the plastic.” I can’t read Neil’s behaviour at all. Is he scared too? I guess not.

“Well, we don’t know that this is his brain.  We also really need to get in contact with David.  It’s very important that we find out everything we can about Max, including who did this to him.”

Yes, finally.  God, it’s good to be truly known as alive.

Neil starts to put my screen and hair back on.  He says, “When we next meet, I’m going to fit you with a new voice so you can talk like anyone else would.”  I smile at him and I think he understands. “I’ve missed you.” He pulls me into a hug. Am I allowed to hug back now?  “I just can’t believe you’re alive.” I can’t believe it either.

“Yes.”  I’ve missed you too.  I wish I could say that second bit.  I return him the briefest of hugs, then I just smile and walk away with the police officer.  I don’t know where I’ll go but surely now everything must be getting better. For me anyway.

Once I’m out of the house and sitting in the car with an police woman at my side, she starts asking me yes no questions.  I wish I wasn’t here but what can I do? “Do you know how come your like this in even the vaguest details?” Yes. “Any idea who did this to you?”  No. “Do you have memories of it being transferred to the robot body?” No. “Are you okay?” No. Obviously. “Do you remember what happened after the car crash?”  A little. Yes.

The car stops outside David’s house.  He appears with a suitcase and a soft bunny toy.  “I know that it’s no Mr Honey Nuts but I think you should have something of your own,” he says, getting in the car next to me.  I can’t even lift the bunny but I wrap my arms around it and lean on it like it’s the real Mr Honey Nuts. It’s blue just like my old hoodie.  “I’ve also brought your box and instruction manual. I’m going to do everything I can to help you.” I don’t say yes or anything. He doesn’t deserve a yes even if I find his actions sympathetic.

Gwen then comes out and I can see that she’s just as shaken as everyone else.  She sits next to David and wraps an arm around him. She says to me. “I’m sorry.  I thought we were handling this very well.” This? Oh yes. David’s pedophilia. The thing that was super scary two hours ago.  Sorry. I can only keep up with so many scary things. That one feels over.

When we reach the police station, I’m glad to have David at my side.  I do everything I can to stay with him. David suddenly smiles and says, “I’m going to start making up for what I’ve done right now.  Max, I’m going to make you feel better, just you see.” I say nothing. What can I say? I turn to look at a corner of the room. He looks there too and I get an idea.  I walk over to the light and try to turn it off. David actually turns it off for me. It’s a small thing but it’s better. Then I go and sit in the corner. He follows and sits next to me.  I put out my hand and he grabs it. This is okay. This is familiar but this time I’m not alone. It’s just enough. He keeps on opening his mouth but I stop him with a no. I don’t think he understands but I’m sure that he understands the hand holding at least.  Gwen comes and sits on my other side and takes my other hand. I don’t have much touch but the knowledge that they’re here is everything. I can finally think. I don’t know where to begin. I guess, with my body, since that’s what’s caused everything to go crazy.

My body is so small.  I must be eleven now. I can, if I’m willing to have parts changed, have any appearance I want but I’m fine with how I look.  I don’t like how weak I am though, especially my hands. I’ll get Neil to fix that when I can. I’d make a note but I doubt I’ll be able to handle writing.  I feel around. I have controls on my arm. I guess that means that if I wanted I’d be able to reprogram myself. The flap goes the wrong way but I can just about see my touch screen.  I can probably get Neil to fix this too. I suppose I could do with some better features. Maybe lazer eyes. Then I could defend myself. Oh, I know: fire blasters. One of my arms could double up as a gun.  Yeah, provided that I can be certain that none of these things fire whenever I actually want to have sex, this is going to be amazing. Yeah, I can make this work.

I guess that if I was fucking David, it wouldn’t be so bad if I accidently killed him but eh, I think that one’s dead anyway.

David is giving me space.  It’s nice having him sit next to me without talking.  Just relaxing and letting me exist in the same space as him.

He is shaking pretty hard but I get the feeling that he’s trying to keep himself together.  I don’t know what to do with him. I’m surprised I’m not more angry.  He did ignore my many ‘no’s and I don’t think I’m being ‘reasonable’ because he never thought I was alive.  I don’t think it’s that.  I want it to be that, but when I look at David, I feel nothing aside from the old feelings that he always tried to protect me. He always used to try to make me happy.  Did he stop?  Was I just too much?  Was it always just a plan to fuck me?  I get up and walk away.  I don’t want to be around him right now, after all.  He doesn’t follow.

I wish I could cry.

The bunny is on a table.  I try to pick it up and throw it in his face.  It just topples over. The door opens. I look towards it.  My parents are standing there. I put up a hand and wave. They walk over to me and look me over.  I’m reminded of how Gwen looked at me. Back before she knew I was alive.

Dad says, “He really is a fucking sexbot.”

Mum says, “It’s so... disturbing.”  I’m cute though. I don’t have to be seen as a sexbot if you don’t want me to be.

David gets up and says, “Yes, but he’s still Max.  Still Maxwell Reddy. Still your son who needs a lot of affection after everything he’s been through.”

Mum asks, “And what would that be?”

David looks at me but I can’t find a way of telling him quickly.  He starts to bluff, “Horrible things. Perverted-”

Dad asks, “You got anything to do with that?”  I put up my arms for a hug and try to get their attention.  Dad pushes me away. He keeps his attention on David. “What the hell are you doing with our son on the anniversary of his death?”

David replies, “I found him.  I didn’t mean to-”

“A likely story,” Mum says.

David asks, “Do I look like I have the money for a sexbot?”

I speak up, “No.”  I’ve seen his home.  He could never afford me.  Everyone looks at me. I guess I finally have their attention.  I look at David and point at him. “Please.” I hug him. Damn I don’t even know how I feel about him and I’m already defending him.  I don’t even know what my defence is.

Mum says, “That’s not much of an alibi.  There are too many coincidences for this to be an accident.”  When she’s right, she’s right. David is involved but how?

David says, “I don’t deny that, but I didn’t have Max made over like this.  If I had I would have gone with different design choices anyway.”

I don’t know how to deal with this.  Everything he is saying, the way he’s been acting, it all matches up but who else… Mr Campbell.  Didn’t he say that he would get David? Wouldn’t that be a revenge? Life imprisonment for fucking a kid and not just any kid but one that he has affection for.  David was oblivious to the morse code but I must share this theory. No one else is going to think of Campbell. I raise a hand making it shake, and pull on David’s side.  I can try his phone.

David says, “Gwen can argue my case.  She knows how I feel about certain children and was with me when the box fell out of a truck outside my house.”  Gwen stands up and looks ready to defend David.

“It fell out of a truck outside your house on the anniversary of our son’s death.”  Dad is as scary as ever. Please Gwen speak.

You are aware I am alive.  “Please.” My parents don’t take as much note of my tugs as David does.

David figures out a small detail. “The anniversary of his supposed death.”  I am impressed. It’s small but important.

Mum says, “I don’t believe you.”  Well, I don’t trust you.

“But that is what happened.”  David sounds pathetic but I have to admit that is how I remember it too.

“Yes.”

David turns to me. “You remember this?”

“Yes.”

“But you hadn’t been turned on.”

I point towards my head.  “Yes.” Then my body is “no.”

Dad says, “At least his mouth isn’t filthy anymore.”  Mum nods but David is trying to hide his reaction. He agrees but he would hate to be seen as agreeing with my parents on something against me.  Can’t say I fucking blame him.

That’s nice and all but do you understand me?

David says, “See.  Max remembers falling out of the truck.”

“Yes.”

Dad asks, “So are you saying you have been set up?”

David replies, “No, I have no enemies.”  Campbell, Daniel, sometimes me. That’s just from one summer.  Maybe Chucky’s parents want you dead too. No they wouldn’t revenge on me as well.  They probably don’t even know I exist. Still, David this isn’t time to be a naive idiot.  Change your entire fucking personality right now! Just admit that you have plenty of people who hate you, hate you for your kindness, hate you for what you can’t control, hate you for your mistakes.

“Then that is that.  You still are a disgusting waste of space.”  Mum then turns to me and pulls on me and says, “We’ll be glad to take him away from you.”

Dad picks me up and I can’t help but fear what’ll happen next.  I try to struggle out of his grip but it’s not good enough. He walks out with me and I see David disappear as he doesn’t come after me.  So much for making up for what he did. I guess it’ll be back to my old room. I hope they’re willing to help me. I can’t do anything without help now.

I am placed in the boot like a object and they drive off.  I feel pretty bad trying to stop my body from rattling around in the car as it swings around the corners. Why aren’t I strapped in like I was with David?  Don’t they know the car is going to be hit and I’ll be sent back to the quietest of quiet places?

I wish I was stronger but I can’t stop thinking about it.  All that time just waiting. Early on I thought I was dead.  I had met the great nothingness at last. Then came the first awakening.  I was placed in a small head and torso and a few men were around and they asked if I could move and breathe.  Then came more nothingness. I started to feel like I was going crazy. Ducky made her first appearance. She only had one set of arms at this stage.  I don’t think she was a parrot either.

Then a long time later, just as Ducky was taking Nikki and I on her fluffy back to fly off and defeat the Great Wizard Olse, I was again woken up. This time I was placed in this current body and I was touched all over before being turned off and placed in a box.  Then David and Gwen made a surprise appearance.

The boot is opened and Dad pulls me out.  He takes me inside and says, “What the hell am I going to do with you?”  I get taken indoors and placed in a corner. Then a cloth is placed over me.  “You stay there until we get someone in to make you look more appealing.”

Appealing to who.

I wait and wait and wait.  I miss my bunny. I think I will call him Rizalec.  I hope he’s placed near me soon. The cloth is lifted and I see a woman with a tool box appear.  She removes my arms and puts on new ones.

I test them out and find that I’m able to lift things and my fingers are more flexible.  I should be able to do all sorts now.  This is going to be such an improvement.  I'm going to be able to contact my friends.  I'll be able to write like a normal person.  I'll be able to run and carry a decent number of things and defend myself and all sorts of things I didn't know I would miss.  I'll be able to act like a normal person.  I'll be just like any other kid my age.  I stand up but Dad stops me.

“You’re not going anywhere until your mouth is fixed.” There’s nothing wrong with my mouth.  It looks like a normal human mouth and lets me show emotions better then my eyes do.  I cover it so the woman can’t get to it but she is still stronger than me.  She puts on a new one that traps me in a constant smile.  I frown and Dad says, “See about changing the screen too.  I’m sick of that child acting like the world sucks.”

“I have a small number of faces available.  May I suggest one that shows around three different expressions?”

Just kill me.

“Does he even really need two?  Just keep him smiling.  He sees through that camera there.”

“I’ll print you some plain plastic to put there.”  How?

“It’ll be so nice having a child worth raising for a change.”  Fuck you, Dad.

I have to put my foot down.  “No.”

“Quiet you!”  I have to get out of here.  I hope I can get to David’s.  He will be able to help. At least I vaguely remember where he lived.  Neil and Nikki I have no idea. I can’t live like this. “You’re going to be doing more chores from now and I don’t want to hear any complaints.”

You won’t.  I will escape though.  I will not let you win.  I will escape.

Mum appears and looks me over.  Her eyes travel round my body and honestly I find it creepier when she does this than when Gwen did.  I knew what David wanted and Gwen was just uncomfortable. Mum could want anything. Well, I doubt she wants to fuck me.  She’s says, “If he’s got strength he can begin by washing the dishes.”

“No.”  I stretch my legs out in a way that makes my legs click in a way that proves what I am.

She sniffs.  “You’re literally designed for fluid exchange.”

I can’t say or do anything against that one.*  I make my way over to the sink. If I obey, they’ll think that I’m being obedient and if they think that they’ll keep less of an eye on me.  I’ll be able to run away quicker. Damn these hands are still really stiff. It is nice being able to lift things but I wish I was holding Rizalec instead.  I’ll have to make sure that he comes with me. David must be an idiot if he thinks Rizalec is going to make anything better. It isn’t going to make up for what he did.  What he did was wrong. He should have listened to my nos and to my attempts at pushing him away.

“When you’re done, we want you to start making up for all the school you’ve missed.”  It doesn’t matter which parent said it. “You can start clearing out what used to be your room, if you’re going to start existing again.”

Why did I miss these people again?

Did I?

It doesn’t take long, but soon I’m done and I make my way up to my room.  I open the door and find a storage area. It looks like all my anime disappeared for a start.  I can’t lift most of these boxes. I start with the ones I can lift and find myself wondering where they want all this shit.  I go down to ask and find that both my parents are already deeply involved in a business call. Damn, already ignoring me. I go up to my room and find my old school bag.  The good thing is that I don’t need to grab any food this time. I sneak downstairs and find my old mouth and put that in the bag. I’ll have to get someone else to put it back on.  I should also grab some money and try to grab some tools. Paper and a few pens so I can communicate. No, pencils so I don’t have to worry about ink going dry. Carefully I sort through the bag ensuring that the space is best optimised.  Then I head downstairs and see Rizalec in Mum’s hands.

I can hear Mum talk about David.  I hang around and listen. She’s saying that she can’t believe that he’s grooming me already.  I guess she’s trying to sound protective. Who does she think she’s fooling? David clearly isn’t.  Even if he was, he’s still more trustworthy than she is. It’s pretty bad that I trust David more than her but eh, that’s how things go down sometimes.  If David doesn’t take me straight to Nikki or Neil, I’ll abandon him. I don’t regret trusting him. I regret getting in the car though. Why did I do that?

Why did I?  I remember really wanting to desperately too.  We pushed on the breaks and they did nothing. There was a lock picking kit we found too.  Was it just a whim?

Who cares?  I just have to get to David’s.

David’s?  Damn, my list of allies is fucking low.  Lets see: Nikki, Neil… erm… Gwen on a good day.  David. Outside of camp maybe Eureka, Gary and Aisha.  I could go round their houses but they wouldn’t be able to keep me without my parent’s permission.  Thier parent’s permission for that matter. Maybe they could hide me for a while. Nah, I need to get further away.  Nikki and Neil are more valuable anyway. I could easily live with Neil’s dad or Nikki’s mum. Maybe even both of them if that horror story ever went anywhere I might survive living with both of them.

Mum puts the bunny down and I go and pick it up.  She glares at me but I keep my mind on the tasks. I point towards a random box and shrug.  She says, “Take the boxes into the hall for now.”

I take the bunny upstairs and put it into my bag and am happy to see that it fits in easily enough.  Okay, now I just need to look like I’m fine with being back here enough to avoid suspicion and leave.  I can do this. I have to do this. I need to do this.

When I’m sure that they’re out instructing their house staff I make my way to the door, backpack on back.  (I notice a few are missing. Guess I’m taking over that.) I slowly open the door, take a step outside, careful not to make a sound then carefully close the same door behind me.  Then I take another step away from the house. Then another and another. Soon, I’m running up the path far away from the house I used to call home.

I find my way off the old street, then I stop.  Now what?

I’ll head to the Sleepy Peak region and figure things out from there.  I’ll also need to make sure that I can sneak into places and recharge often.  This is going to be hard. I can’t stay with my parents though.


	4. Fly Me To The Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max explores more of the world as he tries to find David. (2018/08/26: This chapter came out very rushed due to paranoia about article 13. I would edit it to being something far stronger but if I let myself edit this chapter, I'll stop producing new content and I think new content is more important.)

It’s fucking dark.  Or maybe something is just going wrong with my shitty camera.  I should have charged my batteries before I left. I didn’t though and I’ll just have to try and live with this.  I can’t risk going back. If I could find a train, hitch a lift and get to the passenger side, I might be able to charge up there.  Or I could try sneaking into someone’s house. I just need to get as far from my parents as I can. If I’m going to die, I can’t let them have the victory of me being aware near them.

I’ll head to the city centre and try to figure something out from there.  I don’t feel comfortable in my parent’s damn neighbourhood. Too many people who like them and judge them as good people.  The best thing I can do is to get as far away as quickly as possible. Maybe in the city centre, they’ll be people and maybe someone will help.  No, I thought David would help and he let me down.  I’m only giving him another chance out of damn desperation.  If I had other allies though, it would all be better.

If I can’t find help, which is likely considering that I can’t speak, I’ll have to find David.  Once I’m in the Sleepy Peak region, I’ll have to find David. How should I do that? I can’t just ask around for him.  I could try Camp Campbell. There’s bound to be a file there with his address. Then once I have his address… I guess I’ll figure things out from there.  For now, I just have to press on, not that I know where I’m going. It just looks less tree filled in this direction so hopefully, I’m heading to a more centerish area.  That is logical, right? I just want to cry. I miss my old body. I never really thought about little things. Being able to choose my emotions to show, walking in any way I want, dragging my feet, bending my arms without making little noises.  I never thought I’d miss these little things. I do though. I miss other things too, like being seen as alive, been treated as alive, having never been kissed. Little things that I never thought about before. I can see that the buildings are getting bigger.  Hopefully, that’s a good sign.

There are more people around now.  I should try asking for help.

There’s a girl with the same hair colour as Nikki.  It isn’t her. She’s too old and her skin is the wrong colour.  Plus she still has both her arms. Always figured she would be more the hook type then the robot arm type.  Guess she must have a nifty looking design.

Those people look like a cute couple.  I could try them. I walk over to the two girls on a park bench.  Now, how do I get their attention?  No, I’ll play it safe. I’ll listen first and see if they’re nice.  If they’re smart. David was nice. He did everything right from what he knew. It was just that he didn’t spot something I would have never predicted.  It still hurt though. I can’t be too fucking careful.

The older girl smiles at her girlfriend.  “How about another kiss?” Aw, that’s so cute.  It's nice to have a cute break from the bleakness of life.

“I’d rather not.  I was trying to tell you about…”  The girl goes in for a kiss anyway.  David.  “Please no.”  Yes yes yes please please please yes yes yes.  She’s ignoring her refusal.  She's like David but without the excuse.

“Come on, no need to be frigid.”  Her words are all weird.  It doesn’t matter.  The younger girl stands up and tries to run.  Please succeed.  No, I can help.  I look around and spot a rock. I throw the rock.  It misses. Damn it, now the older girl is looking at me. I have to run.

I’m such an idiot.  David. Everyone is like David.  Clearly, this one event means… What am I thinking?  David is David. He’s always stood out as a good adult.  But was that just to get into my pants? Why can’t he just have remained nice?  He gave me an apology though. Why does everything have to be difficult?

I hope that girl is okay.  Her lover looked so in love from a distance.  They both did. Close up though, more became clearer.  How much more would I have seen had I stayed? They didn’t follow.  Maybe I could have done more. Maybe I should have? I was so scared though.  It was like I couldn’t move or think or anything. Everything all came back to David.

If I find him, I’ll find answers.

I find my way to a big street full of lots of shut down shops.  This must be the City Center or what's left of it.  I don’t think they’ve been open since before I was born.  I hear that one of the decades before I was born, was a good time for money, but there are few signs of past money having here.  One of the shops used to sell jewellery.  Another records whatever those are.  It’s very much in the past anyway.  Broken windows, rubbish and boarded up areas cover this street.  There are even a few homeless people around.  I can see one of them has a mobile phone.  Weird: it’s not smart.  Guess that would be nicked.  Still, if I’m careful I should be able to find out where this person charges it.

What a crazy world this is.  That I would be forced into this body is nuts enough.  That David would turn out to be as terrible as I first thought he would after having proved himself so many times.  That I would go back to my parents is ridiculous.  That I’m stalking a homeless person in the hopes of food would be ridiculous, but that I’m after electricity is beyond words.

Still, it’s reality.  Reality never had to be something I understood.  I guess it’s getting cold since people are shaking and rubbing their hands together.  Will I ever feel that feeling again?  It’s such a strange thing.  I’m so depleted.  I wonder if I’ll ever taste food again.  What did it taste like?  I remember that I liked coffee but what was that like?  Spicy?  Bitter?  Dry?  Sour?  Who knows?  Can I even taste anything anymore?  Would I like coffee if I did taste it again or did I learn to like it?  Is choice an illusion?  Why did I start drinking coffee?  Why did I decide to give David another chance?  The nostalgia for times that never existed is hard to contend with when the reality of immaturity slaps you in the fucking face.  If I’m to pretend today, I’d like to pretend that the world is one where everyone can be seen both for their actions and for who they are.

The homeless guy heads into a church and is welcomed there.  I follow seeing that there's electricity around too.  There are lots of phone chargers around. If I can just find a quiet spot, I can feed.  It looks like everyone else is focusing on try to get food anyway. I settle down and feel my batteries fill up.  I can vaguely hear some singing.  Be Thou My Vision I think.  There are so many people here.  All sorts and I guess it’s nice to see people use religion as an excuse to be nice to each other for once.  Giving away food, blankets and nice words without wanting anything back.  It’s just kindness.  Shame I can’t stay here and pretend that this will last forever. They’ll close up and the world will change again.  I need to find the man who at least apologised for hurting me.

I’m soon fully charged.  I guess I’ll get going now.  This must be a bad place to be seen after all.  Hopefully, no one here would understand what I am.  They'd just see me as a robot and not a sex one but I'm not risking there being someone here who would know.  It is lucky that I haven’t been spotted. I need to get a yellow band from somewhere.  If I can, I’ll be just that little bit more likely to survive.

It turns out that not far from the church is a train station and look, a sign that I can find a direction to go towards the Sleepy Peak region.  If I can find David I can figure something out from there. It takes a while but I find a map at a stall and nick it.  Now to find a timetable.  If I can just get close.  No.  First things first, I need to get away from my parents.  The direction doesn’t fucking matter.  If anything going the wrong way will make them less likely to think I’m after David.  I might even… let’s see.  I think I think Dolf said something about his father’s base moving to Portland.  I can use a few trains to hint that I am heading to him.  If I pick up some Dolf-ish things I can really give anyone dangerous the wrong trail.  I find a cargo train that’s about the right direction and sneak onboard.  This will be a long trip.  Wait I know.  I take out my map and start marking out a route to Portland.  I in my head instead choose a route to Sleepy Peak.  I am heading the wrong way but if I leave this somewhere obvious I can leave a falsehood.  Anything to ensure I don’t have to go back.

I don’t want to think about what David’s done.  It isn’t helping. I don’t even feel anything. It’s just I don’t know.  Weird.

How did that song go?  Something about a diamond with pearl encrusting.  If I'm going to be left with my thoughts like this, I should find a library and steal a book.  If I can revive my memories I can cope better.  On a journey across everything and weird term to amazing.  I should have memorized the English song version back in the day rather than the translation.  Songs written originally in English are so much easier.  I could try another song.  There’s a place I know that’s tucked away.  A place where you and I can stay.  Where we can play and have adventures all day.  I know that’s hard to believe but guys and girls it’s true.  Camp Campbell is the place for me and you.

Damn David, just how much did you sing that song?

We can catch fish bugs bears and honey bees.  Something about hyperbole. Hiking rowing, archery, search and rescue.

I give up.

I miss that David.  Why did he have to kiss me when I didn’t want it?  Why did I have to discover this side of him? I want my David back.  I want him to be safe.

Do I think I will find that?  Of course not. I heard how Gwen spoke with him.  How she spoke of him. This is a part of him. I guess it’s a part of me now.  He didn’t stop because I said no. He stopped because I- Because I didn’t act like I wanted it.

He stopped because of Gwen. I don’t even know how he is dealing with his guilt if he feels any. What if Neil is in danger now?

Back to songs.  I won’t let myself think about problems I can’t fucking fix.  You ain’t never seen the like of this. What?  When the lights go down and sound to the pride of eastside.  Mother fuckers try to slide a ride. Something turns the tide.  Bitch. Mother fucker.  Stay away from me.  Take a hint from this mother fucking symphony.  Pop pop-

The train has stopped.  I should get off.  I leave my map and sneak onto a train going the opposite way.  I wish I could feel my heart pound.  I have no idea if my body can take this or not.  I’ll have to ask Neil if I ever see him again.  It’s going to be interesting having him be my Winry.  I guess that’ll make David my Al?  No, I think I’m the Al.  Not sure who the Ed is.  Hopefully, I’ll know now, I'm heading to David.

This is a lot like back then.  I’m alone.  There’s nothing to do.  Only this time I’m turned on.  I don’t need Ducky.  I can even cope with this better than most people though.

I feel like the girl in the cellar in that one story.  Only without the incest.  She might be just a manga character but if Ayako can handle her life I can handle mine.  Didn't Ed and Al also find a success?  Didn't Shinji grow into a better person?  Thinking like this.  I must be fucking desperate.  Even David would find this pathetic.  Nah, he probably does this sort of shit all the time.

I wonder what I’m sat between. I could risk looking in the crates. Would that really be so bad?

Oh, what the fuck?

Let's see.  The one on my left has nothing but unground coffee beans.  At one stage I would have been so happy to see that. The one on my right is nothing but sugar.  Shame. Once I just would have wanted hot water and a grinder.

Well, that’s that entertainment done.  I guess there’s nothing to do but wait.  So what will I do when I find David? I think I would like to begin by trying to undo the mystery of how I got into this body.  David can start making up his actions to me by helping with that.

There are three stops between where I think I was and the closest train to the Sleepy Peak region.  If I can just keep myself aware of everything I can do this.

Wonder if my parents have noticed I’m gone yet.

I take that stupid rabbit David gave me and hug it.  I should hate it but damn I need a rabbit right now. Rizalec will hug me when no one else will.  It’s kind of cute. Doesn’t make up for what happened.

Why didn’t he see me as alive?  Why did he have to act like I was?

What if he did know?  What if?

Yes, David successfully fooled anyone.  I must be going nuts.  David was being dumb and that was it.

So why am I still angry?

David didn’t do anything wrong.  He tied to fuck a bit of plastic.  That’s all. The second he knew that plastic was alive, he clearly was destroyed and why not?  I’ve killed millions of bits of plastic. It’s a big part of gaming. Even the softest of wusses have done that.  I’ve killed entire cities. Hell, I’ve killed entire civilizations. No one would say that that was wrong, because none of that was real.  Hell, I’ve killed video game characters so I don’t hurt real people. I’ve drowned them slowly and set them on fire, starved them to death.  It’s let me handle school without anyone knowing how mean I feel all the time. My classmates have no idea how much I really hate them. Can I really take that away from David?

It didn’t exactly hurt.  I’m overreacting. In fact, it felt kind of okay.  It’s not sexual assault if you liked bits of it. Everyone knows that.  The fact that I hate every second means nothing. It has to mean nothing or I have to accept that David of all people hurt me.

Two more stops to go.

When I get my body back, I’ll see what I can do about living with someone nice.  Maybe Eureka’s dad would be willing to take me in. He was pretty okay. I liked him.  He always came across fun.

One more stop.

Is this the stop.  The train is very still.  It must be. I get up and slip off the train.  David is waiting after all.

This isn’t a train station.  I can’t get back on the train.  I’ll need to walk the rest of the way.

It sure is dark out.

No fear.  There have been lots of stories about children driving long distances.  It being dark just means adults are paranoid. I can see just fine and it being daytime never stopped me coming across nasty people.  Not when I live with my parents. I just need to find someone who likes children and I’ll be fine. Provided they don’t like children like David does, of course.  I don’t know why I’m thinking this. I don’t really have a choice in the matter in terms of where I go.

Who pushed me over?

I turn round and see a man with wavy blonde hair and light skin.  Is he going to apologise?  I have no idea who this is.  I’m going to be raped.  He holds me down and starts to remove my backpack. I have to fight back.  “No.”  I have to push back on this.

The man pulls out a hammer and lifts it up.  What the fuck?  I dodge his attack.  Shit!  He isn’t trying to fuck me.  He’s trying to kill me.  What perverse shit is this?  It’s so violent and whippy chainy.  He bashes my ear off.  I wiggle about trying to get out from under his grip.  We hear a sound.  A train’s coming. I have to get away. I swing my arms up and tried to feel better. “No!” I can hear it more clearly.  Get up.  We don’t have time.

He must hear it.  He gets up and runs.  I get up and run too.  I turn back and see him drop his hammer.  He’s coming after me. I have to trip him up or something. I can’t have him catch me.  I can’t die here and now.  I reach into my bad and throw Rizalec at him.

He falls.  The train comes.  It's not gory.  It's just a man getting ran over by a train.

I just killed a guy.  Shit. I just killed a guy.  In self-defence but still.

I just killed a guy with a toy rabbit.  A fluffy toy rabbit, that David gave me.  A toy rabbit that will never have survived this train.  I need to turn away. I can’t fix my rabbit, even with my best sewing skills.

I hardly knew my bunny so why am I so upset?

Keep on walking.  No point in getting the rabbit’s remains.  I will see David again. He can get me another bunny.

I don't need toys anyway.  It sure is lonely.

Fucking David trying to make things up to me.

I wouldn’t have picked a rabbit myself.  I think Nikki mentioned having had a toy snake when she was younger.  That might be fun. Maybe an anime creature might be fun. I remember when I was about five really liking the pokemon anime.  There were some cute ones. Absol was cool and cute and I liked the ones that could be both best. Pikachu was always really overrated though.  I grew out of pokemon after the show ended.* At least it did so on a high note but it felt like it was just getting okay. I’m sure that a series based on the black and white games would have been amazing.  I got into real anime. The sort where you actually have to look for it on your computer rather than being fed by some tv idiot who clearly kids are too dumb to handle any topic unless the moral is told so tritely it’s like no one’s ever heard of spite.

David probably doesn’t even know what any of that is.  He wouldn’t even know about Pikachu, I bet.  I don’t know why I’m fussing.  It’s only a toy.  I’m supposed to handle things like this.

I keep on walking along the track.  I don’t come across any more people or trains.  Eventually, I come to a station though.  I head inside and sneak around looking for a socket.  Soon I find one and it’s time to charge myself.  I keep on thinking about my rabbit.  I had to kill it to save myself.  It’s kind of weird really, that the rabbit comes to mind so much.  I guess I just don’t want to think about the bigger issues, like what am I even going to do once I find David?

I’m so scared.  I’m going to end up dead.

No.  First things first I must find out where I am.  Then I’m going to get my voice back. Then I’m going to find out who the man was and I don’t know.  I’m not apologising.  The guy wanted to kill me.  I was just minding my own business and he tried to hammer me to death.  That deserves death by bunny alone.  Still, I guess this means it’s better to move by daylight.  I don’t know.  Maybe there is no moral and I’m just scared.

I must have a lot more charge now.  At least enough to get me to the next charging spot.  Spending a little bit of time charging at each spot will keep me moving.

I wish there was a map around.

“Hello, you missing your charger?  I haven’t seen any disabled people around but I would love to help.”  I turn to see a black man with a friendly smile.

May as well roll with this.  “Yes.”

“Okay, can you describe them?”

“Yes no please.”

“What?”

How do I talk?  Damn it, Neil!  The man is shifting around some leaflets he’s carrying.  I grab one and pull a pen out.  I write down with a nice amount of ease.  “I need to see David Blake.  He’s in the Sleepy Peak region.”

The man looks at my note.  “You don’t know where in the region?”

“The house had a park and some shops nearby.”

The man laughs and says, “If I take you to the Sleepy Peak region police station, will David be able to find you from there?”

I verbally reply, “Yes.”  I can’t wait to get my voice back.  I’ll have to run away from this guy once I reach the station.  I’ll then have to think of what to do from there. I can’t get any help which sucks.  I get into the stranger’s car.

“By the way, what happened to your ear?”

You should be driving.  Please don’t attack me.

What was it the sappy shows used to say?  A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.  Can’t just once that be true.

He starts driving.  I wonder how far we are.  How many police stations are there?  Will we even go to the same one?  That would be a nice convenience.

“You like music?”

“Yes.”  I like some music, I guess.  You going to give me a choice of sounds?

He puts on some jazz music.  I’m not going to complain, for why would I in the grand scheme of things?  I just listen to the horns toot and the saxophones hoot with no feelings either way.  I’ll be a lot closer to David soon. I just need to think of the next best part of the plan. This is a nice car. Is it self-driving?  I don't know. Either way, it’s pretty cool.

The man keeps on talking.  I mostly ignore him and instead watch the sunrise.  He tells me that David Blake sounds like a familiar name but he’s not sure where from.  Then a short while later he stops the car and pulls out his phone.  “David Blake, right?”

“Yes.”

“How very strange.  I don’t know what to make of this.  I’ll take you to the police. That much I’ll do.”

Okay… David, what have you been up to?

This might make things harder.  I hope the idiot hasn’t told anyone else that he’s sexually into children.  He’s a fucking idiot though so I should suppose that that’s exactly what has happened.

“So you a disability bot or a sexbot?”

David, what the fuck have you been doing?  If people know I’m a sexbot I’m more likely to be raped, you moronic idiot.  I open the window and jump out. I just have to get away. The car shortly stops and the man runs after me.  What does he want?  I all over.  He must see his answer.  I’m not wearing any panties.  I have to get away.  I don’t want to be hurt.  Why didn’t David put panties on me? 

“Oh, shit.  Little kid, it’s okay.  It’s okay. I’ll take you to the police never mind what you are.”

Did he not see my parts?  He picks me up and takes me back to his car.  This time he puts me in the back where the windows can’t open.  Why is this car designed like this?  It only has two doors and everything.  What am I to make of this?

“I hope I don’t get too caught up in this.  The police had better…” The man then turns around.  “I don’t know what’s going on, but I feel I ought to take you to the police so it’s what I’ll do.  I don’t know why I feel that.”

I have to escape.  I need to figure something out.  Fuck. What is wrong with my mind?

I try climbing between the seats but am pushed back.  After a few tries, the car stops. We hear a ‘you have reached your destination’ and I’m taken out.  This is the wrong police station. I can’t find David from here.

I’m in the Sleepy Peak region but where am I?

I get taken inside.  The policemen talk to the man and I can see that he isn’t comfortable.  Why is he doing this? No one wants this. Good, they’re talking to each other.  I can get away.

I am still pretty good at sneaking away, fortunately.  I can do this. I look around the room I’m being held in and see only one door and one window.  I make it to the window. I look outside and see that even though I thought this was the ground floor, there’s a long way down.  It looks like three storeys in fact. This isn’t going to be easy. Though maybe as a robot, falling several floors won’t be so bad.  I could try dropping a computer and see if they’ve advanced in the year I was out of it.  Would being able to take falling several floors being useful for anything sexual?  There’s no fetish that comes to my mind.  Maybe if I swear while I think falling a few fucking floors will help.  Nah, still not sexy.

I turn round and a man comes into the room.  “So you’re the sex bot that’s driven my colleagues wild?”  I turn round and focus back on the outside. I don’t care what this man has to say.  He pulls my legs up. He leans down to my ear and whispers, “Little bot with a human mind but half the people here don’t know that and only I know that I do.”  Oh shit. He spreads my legs and lifts up my skirt. “No panties. Nice.” I can hear a zip and a ruffle of clothes.

I don’t know how long we remain like this but I don’t resist.  What’s the point in trying? He then pushes himself into me. I can’t scream.  He just keeps on pushing and it feels like his dick goes on forever. I can’t scream.  Why can’t I scream? I don’t know if it’s that I’m in too much pain or not but I can’t defend myself.  He’s so big too. My body feels like it’s been smashed to little pieces. He pulls himself away but only to slam himself in again.  It keeps happening. I’m not getting any pleasure from this. I wonder if I even have the buttons. It’s just pain and ripping. He keeps on getting faster and faster and making these annoying noises.  He pulls on my hair, on my arms, on my ass just trying to get some pained reaction from me but I’m not giving him the satisfaction. I hope I’m not anyway. He keeps on panting and I can tell that despite everything he’s extremely turned on.  Continuing pushing all the time, he keeps on the abuse on the rest of my body. Then he goes all gooey inside of me. He pulls out fully at last and tosses me away. I get up and turn to him. He’s putting his clothes back on and not looking at me at all.

He says, “Well, little slut bot, that was fun.”  He sits down in a chair and falls asleep. I guess he thinks I’ll be sleepy too.  Idiot.

I get up and move my shell of a body around and walk towards the sleeping man.  I look at him and his huge body. There is a gun on his belt. I creep over and put my hand on the gun and slide it out.  It’s almost like someone else is handling the gun as I pull it out and lift it to his head and pull the trigger. It fires.  I fall over. There’s lots of blood around his face. Is he dead?

The door opens.  I try to leave but am caught by an officer.  I’m escorted away. As I leave I see a bloody jaw lie on the floor.  Did I do that? Am I heading for a cell? I wish someone would just talk to me like a normal person.  The officer picks me up and eyes the goo escaping my ass. They glare at it as though that will make it disappear.  “Sorry kid.”

Another officer says, “You’ve got some strange programming.”  A cloth appears and wipes my body down. “That guy could die thanks to you.”  Oh no. The not at all a tragedy.

I feel my legs get pulled together and I get scooped up.  “Let’s get you cleaned up.” I’m given a cloth but I don’t see the point.  I just want to cry. “Sorry about my friend, bot.  He is sexually frustrated.  It’s a good thing you’re not human.”

I hit this idiot.  I’m human and I’m not fucking taking this anymore.  I’m tired, miserable and sick of people shitting me all the same.  She drops the cloth and I run.  I don’t know where I’m going but I’m running. I’m not stopped. There’s an ambulance and it looks like my rapist will be saved.  My latest rapist. David was completely different from this guy though. Almost the opposite. Yet the effect is the same. I feel used and hollow.

So now I’m heading out to goodness knows where.

I stop when I come to an elementary school and look in.  They have a playground with a jungle gym and one of those elephants that rock back and forth.  They have swings and slides. In a few hours, kids will be here and they will play on this toy stuff.  They’ll have no idea what kind of people are so close. No, some of them will know. Some of them will have family, friends or neighbours who see them as non-people.

Is it normal to be sexually assaulted three times in so little time?  Why would someone choose a kid, a child with breath other an adult? I guess I can ask David if I ever see him again.  No. He said he didn’t want to hurt me. He said he thought…

He never even considered that I might be really alive.  He, on the other hand, did it because he knew I was. I can’t compare them.  Neither would hurt one of the kids playing over here. No, David would never.  That man, on the other hand, I don’t know. I know nothing about him.

What happened anyway?  I was in David’s room. We kissed.  Did he touch me down below? Was I wearing underwear?  I don’t know. It’s all a blur.

What happened with that guy too?  I know I was raped and I was on the window ledge.  Someone saved me and I ran.

So now I’m down here.  A school at the bottom of the hill in the early morning doesn’t feel like setting for my life.  I feel like I should be lying out on top of some rubbish, but I’m not. I’m just standing here, having no idea what to do next.  My battery is probably going and I’ll die. Who cares? I sure don’t. Just let me live long enough to see some happiness in the world.

I sit down and watch.  I wish I could jump the fence and swing on the swings.  It feels more fitting. Just imagine the headline, ‘Living Child Sex Bot Dies on Swing Set’.  The article would follow that I’ve been raped and they’d claim they hadn’t found my attacker or they’d excuse him.  My death won’t even have any meaning. Another brick on the wall.

Leaves blow by.  They must be starting to fall from the trees.  I wish they had never left. To cling to the trees and be high up so no one can ever hurt you.  That must be nice.

What is that beeping sound?  It’s like it’s coming from my head.  Maybe it is. How do I turn it off?

“Hello, Oh my.”  I turn and see a little old lady.  “You’re the most disabled person I’ve ever seen.  How did you end up like that?” How is she of all people able to figure me out right away?  Is she just… lucky?

I wish I could reply.

I know there was a car crash.  I was a brain in a jar for a while.  I don’t know how I got from the jar to here.

“Sorry, dear.  I guess that was a little rude.  Don’t you have somewhere you need to be?”

I nod.  I point to my throat where my voice box would be and shake my head.  She gets the hint and starts to use ASL as she speaks next. “Can I help you?”

I nod.  Just give me some paper you lucky lady.

She reaches into her purse and pulls out an old shopping list and looks happily on the back.  Upon seeing nothing she presents it to me. I can only write down two words tops. David Blake.  She looks at it and says, “I don’t know a David Blake but I know lots of people. Come and we’ll try the school records and I’ll ring my friends until one of them knows a David Blake.”  She opens the gate and she takes me into the school.  She takes me over to a plug hole and helps plug me in. The beeping stops.

She settles down at a desk and starts up the computer.  “I don’t like how new-fangled the computers feel these days.  It’ll take a while for me to find the right program.” She starts up an old-fangled looking program.  “No David Blake I’m afraid.  There is a Catherine Blake though.  Maybe that’s his wife.”  I wish.  She picks up a phone and dials a number.  Shortly she asks, “Catherine Blake?”  I can’t hear Catherine.  “Ah, good. I know that this might sound a little weird but do you know a David-”

I can just about hear a ‘What has my brother done now?’ maybe?

“I found a little, disabled girl outside the school.  Seems like she’s David’s.”

I hear nothing, but she’s clearly talking.

“Okay.  I’ll keep an eye on the child.  Pick her up when you drop off Ellis.”

So since when has David had a sister?


	5. Can't Live Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the long time between updates. A lot has happened. I've mostly been working on other fics to hone my craft since I really care about this one, reading books to keep the story inspires and so forth. I'm really happy about this latest chapter since it's been a long time coming and I've wanted to get it perfect. After the last chapter being a bit rushed, I think I went paranoid in the other direction. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as much as I have enjoyed writing it. Writing David and Max's conversation was one of the hardest challenges I've faced in time writing fanfics.

I don’t remember meeting Cathy.  I don’t remember heading to David’s.  I don’t remember getting dropped off. I know it happened because I’m lying in the living room.  Neil is at my side on a computer. He looks exhausted. I try getting up but I can’t. What on earth is going on?  I hardly even remember waking up.  I just was able to look straight ahead.  My head won’t turn.  Why? I don’t know.  I can’t move anything actually. I don’t know why. If only I could ask why.

“Ah, you’re awake.  I’ll turn your body back on soon.”

What?

Neil just keeps on typing without explaining anything more.  Each tap of the keys is more annoying than the last.  I can’t see what’s on the screen.  I don’t like this.  I want to move.  What do you mean awake?  I can’t sleep, though I don't know why that's bothering me right now.  Yet clearly there is a gap in my memory.  A big gap that I can’t explain. I know David attacked me and that was bad.  Cathy was… Who the hell is Cathy? I went home.  My parents were mean.  Way too mean.  Weirdly mean. Has this all been a dream and I’m not a robot?  No that makes no sense. If I’m not a robot I would be able to get up and move my eyes.  I don’t have eyes. Just a camera and a screen. I was raped and someone saved me. Yeah, that’s everything that happened. Only more happened and it doesn’t matter because there’s nothing anyone can do.

I can hear a door open.  I can’t see who enters. David says, “Hey, Neil.  How’s Max?” He must be here. I know that stupid voice anywhere.

Neil replies, “He should be up and about soon.  His brain was on its last breaths. He really needed my help.  You can talk to him if you like.” David doesn’t seem too surprised to hear that.  Was the information really for me? What is wrong with me that Neil won’t talk to me?  Why is it that I can hear that I’ll die but not to my face?

“Okay.”  He smiles and to me says, “Hey, Max.  You were in pretty bad shape when Cathy brought you here so we had to mess with your programming.  I can’t believe there was a glitch not letting you sleep.”

Neil snarks, “I don’t believe it either.  I think someone wants to hurt Max.” Hey Neil why is it fine for David to talk to me but you’re afraid to do so too?

Why?  David ignores the uncomfortable truth and continues his statement.  “Well, the good news is that you’re on the mend now. You’ve been out for a while and Neil’s done all sorts of improvements while you were out.  You’re going to love your new voice. It’s so cute. He’s really put in the effort and showed everyone just how great he is with computers.” Neil looks away from me as David says the last bit.

What have you done to me?  You better have not made me all sappy sounding!  I’m going to kill you if you have.  I’m not happy about this!  Neil, you can’t treat me like a toy. David! I’m still alive. I’m supposed to chose these things for myself.  You were supposed- I don’t know what I expected. Why did I even come here?

Neil speaks up.  “Max, don’t be alarmed.  I’m going to turn you on on the count of three."  More tapping.  "One two three.”  There’s a sudden sharp pain then I’m suddenly able to move.  I start with a finger.  I move it with ease.  I try a breath but I still can’t.  Still a bot.  So I sit up. I’m still a robot. Still a sexbot even. Still, my movements already feel nicer.  Smoother maybe. I don’t know.

“What have you done to me?”  That was my voice? It’s so… I don’t know.  Normal. Like a normal child’s voice. Maybe a tad robotic.  Not very but enough that if feels right from my mouth, not that the sound is really coming from there, I think.  I don’t know. Damn I can see why David likes this voice. I like this voice. I should try saying something else.  “What the fuck is going on?” It sounds nice I guess. Not as cute as David was making out but cute nonetheless.

Neil panics, “Sorry.  I tried my best but, look I know I haven’t done as much as David but we’re still friends.  I thought you would like your body like this. I mean I thought you’d at least like it more than your last body.”

I should say something.  “The body is great but I want to know how I feel better.”

“You’ve been out for a week.  Your mind needed time to recover from being awake for that long.  It gave us time to tighten and loosen and replace parts.  Don’t worry about a thing."  I love how he suddenly becomes so much more confident when talking about this sort of thing.  "Whenever I get a chance, I’ll come down here and help.  Mum thinks I’m at a computer club so it’s all fine.”

So you’re using a computer club excuse to hang out with a known pedophile.  That sounds fucking smart Neil. Oh wait, I can actually say this shit now. “Neil, that is dumb of you.”  Wow, that was pathetic. The stuff I had in my head was way cooler. What even was that?

Neil says, “There’s something else you should know.”  I don’t feel any malice in his statement though I know there should be.

“Oh?”

He pulls out a mirror and I look at myself.  I look good. My screen is so expressive.  My mouth feels so nice and I can twist it however I like.  This feels good.  “Thank you, Neil.”

David says, “Neil wanted to switch your face out with one that is more realistic, but I thought we should ask you what you want first.”

Neil retorts, “You’re only saying that because you find this version hotter.”

“No, while you’re correct in thinking I do find Max hotter like this, that’s not my reason.  I just think he’s lost enough control of his life as it is.”

Neil begins a retort but I stop him, “I like my screen.  I don’t want eyes and to look like a normal child. I just want to be seen as one.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m a child.  I’m a robot. These things are not fucking exclusive to each other.”

What more is there to say?  They certainly don’t know what to say to that.  Finally after looking at each other for while, Neil says, “Well, obviously.”

David says, “No, it’s not obvious or Max wouldn’t feel the need to tell people.”  Then he gives me a small smile.  I don't smile back but I'm glad he's treating me so nicely.

Neil looks awkward.  He says, “I guess.” Then he starts to pack away his computer.  “I’d better head home before Mum starts looking for me. Have fun together… platonic fun.”

David shows Neil out, then returns to my room.  “I’m so excited to see you up and about. We’re going to do so much together.”

What sort of things?  I just want to feel safe.

“Go on, you can speak now.”

Oh, fuck, where do I begin?  “My parents were mean.”  What did they do?  “What is wrong with my mind?”

“Max, you’ve been transformed into a robot, gone a couple of days at least without sleep, almost certainly been raped considering the semen we found on you and now you’ve been out for a week.  You can expect to feel fuzzy.”

Oh, when you put it like that, yeah, that’s fair.  “A week?”

“Yes."  David stops and seems to be trying to find the words.  I can tell he doesn't want to do this.  He is though.  Even as he fiddles nervously with his hands, there is a determination in his face.  "When you came in you were clearly very tired.  You were acting very strange. You kept trying to cuddle up to me and pointed the same pieces of paper to us again and again.  We had to break into your programming and send you to sleep before you hurt yourself.”

“I have no memories of any of that.”

“That’s fine.  Look, I’m going to get Gwen then we’ll talk through everything that happened together.”

“Okay.”  I get up and slowly stretch out my legs.  If I was human they would be all seized up but thanks to having a metal body, I’m moving with ease.  I feel good. I don’t feel happy but I feel like I can move with ease. My face feels more stretchy and pliable than ever.  My whole body feels weirdly natural. I don’t know what Neil has done but I feel great. I feel my shoulders as they move so so so bendy in all the right places.  I can twist my arms round in just the right ways. It’s not like I’m human but rather like I’m alive. This is good: an improvement. I didn’t think I would miss this so much.

David cautiously enters the room with Gwen.  She smiles upon seeing me. “Looking good, little bastard.”

“I don’t care how I look, big bastard.”  I turn to her without turning the rest of my body.  My neck is so twisty. It’s fucking awesome. I love this new body.  “I’m just glad I can do things normal people can’t.  It makes me feel powerful for the first time in so long.”

Gwen settles on the couch, with a happy bounce.  “I’m glad to hear that.”  She then pulls out a clipboard and says, “We want to help you.  For that we have to know what happened?”

But I don’t know what happened.  “I know there was a car crash.  I was a brain in a jar for a while.  I knew what was going on all the time. It wasn’t like I was sleeping.  It was dark and lonely.  I was… I woke up and I was touched all over.  I was put asleep but not asleep...”  Do they mean later with my parents?  With David?  Should I stop?

David says, “It’s okay.  You’re safe here.”

Safe.  That’s right.  “You’re safe?” David looks away guilty.  I can see the hurt in his eyes but I’m not letting him off.  “Are you safe?”

“I… I’m doing my best to be.  I’m sorry that before it wasn’t enough.”  What am I supposed to say to that? “It won’t happen again.”

“That’s not good enough.”

“It won’t happen to anyone like you due to any of my friends.”

Prove it.  “I don’t fucking believe you!”

Gwen shouts, “He’s come out to pretty much everyone just to keep you safe.  What more do you want?”

David furthers, “I never want to hurt you or any child.”

I don’t understand.  Prove it.  I glare at them and seeing them react to an expression is wonderful.  They look so guilty and I haven’t needed to say a thing.  Fucking hell, I’ve missed this.  I know I'm grinning from it and they have no clue why but I don't care.

“David has never…  I’ve never seen him as a threat.  He’s never wanted to hurt anyone.  He, no both of you were unlucky, but in different ways.”  Gwen sounds nervous.  I don’t understand.  “Look you’re a good kid and you never deserved any of this, but it has happened and out of all people who could be the first to make the mistake David did, I think he’s kind of the best.  Sure he’s a pedophile but he’s he’s he’s…”

“Quit glitching.”  She doesn't laugh.  Well Gwen, if you're going to take me seriously, let me tell you this.  You have no excuse.  You’ve been through nothing like I have.  You’re not going to either.  You're an adult and therefore you could never understand.

“I’m trying to find the words.  He’s ultimately a good person.”

A good person?

What the hell do you mean?

David turns to Gwen and says, “I know you’re frustrated but do you really think what you’re saying helps.”

She shakes her head and leaves.

David looks straight at me, right into my dot.  Not into my eyes on the screen but on the camera.  “I know I’ve said this but you have every right to be angry.  The fact that I didn’t want to fuck you never meant that me accidentally sexually assaulting you was okay.”

“I agree, but I need help and there’s nowhere else to turn.”

David looks disappointed.  “Max, if you see me as a threat, I…”

“Everything is shit, David.  Everyone is nasty and there are no good people left.”

“What about G- Nikki?  Or Neil? They’re still nice.”

Two people out of the whole fucking world.  That’s reassuring.

This is damn exhausting.  “Max, you ready to talk?”

“As ready as I can be.”  Honestly I'm tired.  I have a lot of feelings and thoughts I don't know how to express even with my new body.  "Do you mean about you being a pedophile?  About what happened?  What is there even to say?  I'm angry but not with you.  I'm too scared to be angry with you."

David frowns and starts to fiddle with his hands again.  Shortly, he asks, “Max, what do you want to do from here?”

That’s a good question.  “I don’t know.”  Just to feel something.  I don’t know what.

“Maybe we can discover what that is together.  I will happily help you with anything: revenge, friendship, growing up?”

“That first one sounds good.”  I can handle the rest myself, without you.

“Okay, you may do whatever you wish to me.”

No.  “I want to get revenge on the shits who put me in this body.”

“But… Okay, I’ll help even if we don’t have a clue who they could be.”

“It’s obviously that company you mentioned… Honey something.”

David blushes and I'm not sure why.  He doesn't seem to notice his own red cheeks as he replies, “Honey Co never replied to my message.  Though to be honest, they’re just a trio of people in a garage.  They could never create a robot like you.”  But?  Then who else?  “We’ll help you.  There must be a lead somewhere...”  He starts to mumble and I can hear Nikki’s name but I have no idea what that means.  Who the hell is Sara?  Why would Neil’s memories matter to Gwen?

Great, they haven't got a clue either.

David brings out a notebook and I can see Gwen’s, Neil’s and David’s handwriting in it along with a few more I don’t recognise.  Probably Nikki’s. “The thing is that whoever created you would have to a really advanced company.  Neil has found all sorts of things in you that cost well thousands.  Maybe even millions.”

“Who do we know that has tons of money and a vendetta against both of us?”  The answer is Campbell but will David figure that out.  I didn't think his vendetta was that strong but it's the only logical conclusion.

“I don't know.  I think he was…”

“You know it’s a he without me saying anything.  I think that’s proof enough that it’s Campbell.”

David frowns, but I can see some other emotion in his face.  He's not completely angry.  I wonder if my face is as revealing.  I hope it is.  Damn, David feels safe for me to be thinking like this.  He's gentle and I don't get anything perverted in the way he's acting.  It's like... Of course.  He's mistaken.  No, that can't be right because it still happened.  He stops my thought pattern with, “We should at least talk to him before we jump to any conclusions.”  He then opens up his arms.  “How about a hug for now?”

“No.”  I don’t think I’ll ever want to hug you again.  I wouldn’t mind one from Nikki or Neil though. “Any idea where my friends are?”

He puts on a clearly fake smile and replies, “Neil went home and Nikki will come as soon as we ask her to.”

I guess I must ask.  “Do you want to fuck her too?”

“Define want?”  Eh. He sighs as I don’t reply.  “I have thought about her during masterbasion but I’d never hurt her.”  He mutters something.  I wonder if he’s aware how loud he’s being as he asks himself if he should have told me that?

Actually, “Good point, should you have told me that?”

“I’ll go ask Gwen.”  He turns to leave. Damn, he’s taking this seriously.

I stop him and say, “You will answer any question I have.  You owe me.”

He grips hold of his arm and I get the feeling he doesn’t know what to do with himself.  Still, my safety is more important that his comfort.  “You’re right.  Okay, I do want to fuck her but I’m not going to because there is no way of doing so that wouldn’t hurt her.  That’s why I was so excited for what I thought you were.  A way of fucking you without hurting you.  Without you even knowing about it. It could have been amazing.”

Oh.  When you put it like that… I still… If only I could believe you.  What you’re saying… You could be in cahoots with Cameron.  I need to see him to clear your name.  No, even without Cameron you’re still suspect.  “You’ll help me and if you find a way to get me revenge, I’ll consider forgiving you.”

With that he smiles and says, “I’ll go get Nikki for you.  You can talk to her while the rest of the team figure out how to find who created you.”

“Team?”

“Neil, Nikki, Ered and a few others.  We’re going to want to talk to you because a few of our ideas are mere theories and it’ll really help to get your idea on what you’re like.”  I guess that it would fit with your story if you wanted revenge too. After all, you’ve been tricked into hurting someone and someone you used to care about at that.  Someone you still claim to care about. I want to believe you but if you hurt me, I don’t know how I’ll deal with that.

Wait, Ered is here?  “Are the Millers involved too?”

“I’ve been trying to persuade Ered to tell her fathers that she’s coming here with her girlfriend, but she’s been refusing.  I don’t know why.”

“So you’ve got two children coming here without their parent’s permission.”

“Four actually.  You and Nikki never got permission either.”  I suppose I can’t deny that one.  “We’ve got some adults too.  I’d really like to get the Millers on our side.  It would really help to get more adults to help really.  More competent adults who aren't like me. I think that relying on me is stressing Gwen out, but I…”

“What about the police?”

David doesn’t reply.  Not verbally anyway. There’s enough in his eyes to know the truth: they don’t give a fuck and we’re completely alone here.  Even if they do, they can easily be just like that one shithead.  We’re alone and defenceless.  So I did the right thing in coming here.  Not because David is safe but because he’s safer.  Sounds just like camp.  Why is David so upset?

Gwen comes back into the room and sits next to David.  David pushes a new smile to his face.  Gwen gives David a look and he looks back at the notebook.  David says, “You have a few options. We don’t know what the next best part of the investigation is.  Most of our ideas come from crime shows Gwen’s watched.  So we’re letting you choose what to do next.”

“Get on with it.”

“Right, we could go over your memories for clues.  Even scraps might suggest who did it to you. We have examined your programing but without you awake we can’t be truly certain on what sort of person made you so we could look through that too.  We could also try talking to Cameron since Nikki suspects him too. Neil suggested Daniel which I just find ridiculous but I’m willing to try him if you are. Then there’s always trying to use you as proof of your own existence.”


	6. My Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and David go to visit Daniel and discover that their desires for revenge are more complex than they had thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, it's been too long. Still, I think the break did the fic good. I'm really excited for your reactions to this latest chapter. It's been the first time I've written Daniel in a while and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. A lot of the ideas in this chapter were planned to appear later on in the form of a character but I think this fic has too many ocs as it is. This is way less sappy than what I had planned too which is a huge plus. Well, I never wrote the oc version of this chapter, but in my mind it feels sappy in comparison.
> 
> I was wondering if you feel too that this has too many ocs. I'm willing to drop one or two if you feel that's the case.

 

 

Proof of my own existence?  That’s a curious point.

I’ve been cut up and twisted and invaded.  I’m not a human, true. I’m a human brain in a robot body.  People have made it very clear that I’m firstly a robot. Even those that know that I have a human brain, see me as nothing but an excuse, a alibi or a object.

Gwen is different but not in a good way.  She is clearly frustrated and I don’t know why.

Wait a second!

“Proof of my own existence?  Who is denying that I’m real?”

David looks disappointed.  Is that due to me? “Everyone Max.  When we went to the police, we were gaslit and told that our memories were false, that you were just an ordinary robot.  Either someone doesn’t want you known or the police are just plain incompetent and don’t want to admit that they can’t help us.”  I have a feeling there’s more to this but I don’t know how to even begin asking what. Hopefully this won’t matter.

Neil just looked tired, but I trust him.  “Daniel.”

“Okay.”  David gets up and shouts, “Gwen!   Max and I are leaving.” With that he leads me out of the room, out of the house and away from where I feel safe.

He picks me up and gently adjusts my seatbelt.  He pushes the keys into the keyhole and the car starts up.  I don’t like car journeys. I don’t know why but I don’t like them.  What is wrong with me?

“Can you tell me about your problems?”

He must get that I’m scared in the car.  “I know there was a car accident.” Is this the cause of my fear?  “I was brain in a jar for a while.” I can’t stop talking. I find myself saying things that he can’t care about.  I tell him about Ducky Mcfuck Whip. I tell him about my parents. How weird they were. Even more so than usual they hated the sight of me and who could blame them.  I’m too sexual by far for sympathy. I tell David about how he scared me. How it hurt what he did, even if I hardly remember a lot of it. I tell that Enid was an idiot.  I tell him that I was raped again. I tell him that I had to destroy Rizalec to get away from a nasty man and I’m not even making sense to myself. I don’t know if he follows at all.

Rizalec.  I lost Mr Honey Nuts’s replacement.

David starts the car.  “We’ll get answers and you’ll feel better.”  Despite the things he’s just heard, he sounds confident.  Is it fake? If this wasn’t David I would be certain of yes and now even knowing it’s David, I’m not sure.  I can’t see David faking confidence but David is… he kissed me and he wanted to much more.

He has no idea what I’ve just said.  For all my words I still have no idea how to talk.  Why is communication so hard?

Where are we going?  The roads are getting quiet.  This is familiar and not in a nice way.

Have I been here before?

Shouldn’t we be heading towards the prison?  I put my hood up. I don’t want people to see my face.  As far as I can tell, it’s still emotionally limited and the lack of senses also bug me.  I have no idea if I’m smiling or not. It’s going to make putting on an act hard. I don’t like not being able to manipulate people but at least I can show myself as vaguely human now.  I’ll at least be as hard to hurt as the average pokemon or whatever. As long as I’m not a tamagotchi ready to be loved until banned and forgotten in some draw.

“This is where I got a card from.  It was around Christmas and it has a happy image of a bunch of kids on it and the message ‘see you next year’.  I’m guessing Daniel will still be here. I sent him a card in return with a robin on it.”

Fuck!  David, this isn’t the time to be trying to convince me Daniel isn’t a fucking cultist!

David smiles at me as he picks me up and carries me around.  I don’t understand why he’s not letting me walk. By now anyway.  Is the floor made out of lava or some shit? Lava that only affects robots?  What is wrong with me? That’s so childish. At least think of something logical like a magnet.  Magnets would be just as unrealistic (this being a normal city and all) but at least it would make sense.  Even my hallucinations were better than that… mostly… sometimes. They were pretty dumb. I still have no idea why David is carrying me around.  A man walks past us and I suddenly feel scared. David holds me close though and I feel a bit better. This is kind of calming to be honest. He isn’t carrying me like a robot now I think about it.  It’s more like… oh. I snuggle up to him. Not out of affection but because if being a ‘good innocent child’ will help me I’ll cuddle close to him. I can do this. I can. I can. I can. I can. I can.  I can. I can. I can. This is disgusting.

David rings the bell on a set of flats.  He talks for a while to a box. I just keep repeating to myself, “I can’ and don’t listen.  We enter. David sits down but keeps me held close. I must appear as a child to Daniel before he sees me as an object.

He could be great.

“So what’s with the doll?”  Doll! I can clearly move. I’m far more than a doll.

Before I get a word in edgeways David corrects, “Robot.”  Daniel puts a hand towards me but David puts up stop him. He corrects again, “Child’s brain in a robot’s body.”

Daniel avoids David’s hand.  He picks my hoodie up, lowers it down to my shoulders and looks me over.  First he eyes up my face then trails his hand along my body. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he was checking me out.  “A sexy robot I see.” Why did I give him any benefit of the doubt. “Thought so but I didn’t want to interfere.” I hate my cheeks.  I reach up and pull the hood back. It’s not much but I feel like I might from a distance look like a normal child with a little bit of shadow from the hood.  Actually giving my face shadow might make things worse. Damn lights. I hate this body in every way.

David’s voice goes surprisingly dry.  “Well, now you certainly have.”

I frown and give Daniel a glare.  David is right about that. Damn cultist has already gone too far.

“What a thought though.  A child in a sexualised body.  A child that could even be placed in an adults body.”  What? You’re excited! You piece of shit. “Don’t look so surprised.  It’s obvious. If a child can be placed in a child sex robot’s body than a child can be placed in an adult’s body.  Or any body. You could even place the child in a dog’s body if that’s your kink.” Fucking hell. Stop acting like this is a good thing.  That bounce in his voice. It’s like the voice Nikki would use if you dangled something dangerous or some candy in front of her. What is it with this freak and always finding new ways to be creepy?

David says, “Ew.”  Understated, but honest.

“You’re right, ew.”  Why does you agreeing with me gross me out?  “Still, it’s exciting to think about. A real life Giselle.  So why have you brought a child here?” He sounds so damn hopeful.

David takes a breath then says, “We’re looking for the person who did this to Max.”

“Oh and you need someone who has the sort of mind that would think like the person who would do such a thing.  I’ll gladly help if you give your life to Xemug.” Well, this is an unexpected reaction. “Well, the first thing that would be stated that I’m sure you haven’t let cross your mind is that pedophilia is involved.”

“No shit, Sherlock.”  Daniel stops smiling and appears to be listening to me.  I continue, “David’s a pedo. That’s how he found me. Not that he knew I wasn’t just a normal sex bot when he found me.”  A smile creeps back on to Daniel’s face. That’s unsettling. It is Daniel though. He’s always unsettling.

“David?  A pedophile?  You sure? He doesn’t seem the type.”  He gets really close to David’s face as though suddenly the words ‘I am a pedophile’ will appear on his forehead.  That can’t be what he’s thinking but I can’t think of another explanation. Why did he smile at David being a pedophile?  That said, no, he did have a habit of getting close to people.

David clings me close.  I’m now his teddy bear. Can’t hurt someone holding a teddy bear.  That would be mean. Only Daniel is mean so it surprises me when David says, “Yes, I’m a pedophile.”

Daniel gives David a punch anyway.  Like I thought, Daniel doesn’t understand teddy bears.  He’d punch a mummy too. We’re not going to find anything out from Daniel.  He’s just going to do whatever he can to creep us out, even if there’s no substance, though there might be knowing him.

David whelps.  He’s in pain. I cuddle close to David.  I’m not just a teddy bear. I can move. I can show care.  “Sorry.” I am human. I can hurt as easily as 

“So what is it you really want?”  Daniel makes his neck crack. “To molest the boy in front of me?”  He says it like it’s the most tasty thing. Like there is nothing better in the world than molesting me.  I cling closer to David.

“No.  I’m anti contact.”

I have to ask, “What’s anti contact?”

“Against having sexual interactions with, romantic interactions with or viewing porn of kids.”

Oh I guess I’m anti contact too then.  Sounds pretty normal to be honest. I don’t get why Daniel is saying he’s not convinced.  As horrid as this world is, surely most people are anti contact. After all that’s just a list of things to be against if you have any decency… which apparently Daniel does… there’s something off in his reaction but I don’t want to jump to any conclusions with this manipulator.  Considering all his other beliefs it’s possible he’s anti anti contact or un anti contact or contact. I’m not taking any chances.

I ask, “Are you against that?”

“No, I’m against sexualising kids.  I’m not a monster. After all, wanting to… you know… something so small and defenseless is disgusting… unable to take your dick.  You disgust me.”

David looks down defeated.  Why is it Daniel who is saying everything that I always wanted to say?  I add, “David, you’re a pedo and you should be ashamed of yourself. Of every little thing about you.”

Daniel goes further.  “You deserve death. You make kids do stupid things.  You may not have fucked a kid yet but do you really think you’ll last forever?  You’ll become a rapist just like every other pedo out there.”

Wait, what?  “Make kids do stupid things.”  That was supposed to be a question.  Not a statement.

I’m ignored as David instead says, “I can resist and I will resist.  I have coping methods.”

“Let me guess, Max was supposed to be one.”

No, Daniel, listen to me.  I ask, “Are you any better?”  They look at me. “David will and has done everything he can to avoid fucking and dating kids.”  I had more arguments. Where did they go? Mind, bring them back. Daniel. Focus on Daniel being creepy.  “You’ve always been nasty.”

Daniel shifts the conversation back to David.  “He’s the one who likes minors pre puberty.”

I have to ask, “So are you saying fucking kids is okay if they hit puberty early?”  David looks at me open mouthed though I’m sure he must have been thinking the same thing.  It’s fucking obvious.

David clenches his fists and shouts, “No.  Oh fuck no.” Damn. I would not have worded it how I had had I remembered David being here but it’s fine?  Maybe not. There has to be an explanation.

Daniel looks away.  “No, that’s not what I’m saying.  It’s more like mistakes can be made.”  Oh fuck. Who did you hurt?

David pleads, “We’re supposed to learn from those mistakes.  We’re supposed to try to help. I’m going to help Max and I’m going to show people like you up.  I’m going to-”

Daniel tries to hit David again.  David dodges and the fist hits the wall.  The cultist removes his fist and I see the cracks on the wall.  The hit for being a pedophile isn’t as bad as the hit for being a well meaning pedophile.  Is it that he feels deceived? Annoyed that the wolf eats grass rather than eating sheep?

Oh.

How can I call David kind when I see Daniel as bad?  They’re both wolves. What they did really wasn’t all that different.  Has David really proven that he’s changed?

Have I been doing that?  Does it just feel that way?  Why? Why don’t I even know my own feelings?  Why am I still panicking? Why can’t this worry just be over?  I’m safe now. Right?

If they’re both wolves, who else is a wolf?  Was Neil’s mum only a brat because she’s already molested someone?  What about Gwen? Are any adults safe? Can’t I just hide? Would that really be so bad?

“David?  Are either you or Daniel safe?”

David looks straight at me.  “Max every adult you meet, maybe every person has the potential to hurt people.  What matters is our choices. You have the potential.”

Nah.  I’m just a child.  I’ve never hurt anyone.  I won’t let myself become an adult either.

Daniel dismisses, “Nonsense, children can’t hurt children.”  Nurf would like a word. Oh.

“I’ve hurt children before.  I even was part of taking you down.”  Maybe I’ve done even more. Who knows?  “I knew how to get David’s mind on the right path realising that you were bad news.”  And you are now. I want to go home.

Daniel looks at me, and I feel his eyes burn into my head.  He’s somehow even more invasive now than when he was lifting up my clothes.  “Max?”

“Yes.”

“Are you the kid in the blue hoodie, from Camp Campbell?”

“Yes.”

“David definitely had a crush on you.  I could see it from a mile off.”

“Yes.  I did.”  David nods.

Yeah at this point there’s no point in denying it, though it does make me curious, “How long have you had a crush on me?”

“Since your third summer at Camp Campbell.  Though I thought you were hot right from the first time I saw you.”

“How old was I?”

“About five.  Sorry.” How does he keep his eyes on me as he says these things?

Daniel asks, “What’s so great in the personality of a five year old that you would crush on one?”

Are you saying five year olds don’t have personalities?  I can remember being… rude, aggressive and intelligent at five.  Does that not count? “What the fuck, dude? Is arguing that child molesting really so hard that you have to use those crappy arguments to do it?”  You are against child molesting, right?

David covers my mouth.  I don’t see the point. My words are coming out of a speaker that has nothing to do with with my mouth.

Daniel smiles.  “Of course I am.  Children are so natural, unrestrained by adult thought, closer to the light.  You’re like fresh buds, just needing to be protected.” He opens the curtains to his ‘garden’.  It’s just a few flower boxes, filled with white flowers. David might know their names but I sure as fuck don’t.  He indicated a certain one and says, “So delicate and beautiful. I could lose myself in children for hours. That purity though never stays.  They become suspicious and that suspicition makes them cruel.”

Honestly, this would be very inspiring if it wasn’t the fact that, “You know you kill children, right?”

David glares at me.  “Stop accusing him of that all the time.  He’s only ever tried to kill you. That’s one child.”  You are way too forgiving. No wonder Gwen wants me to forgive you if this is what she’s used to.

Daniel agrees, “Yes, there’s clearly a difference between purifying and killing.”  I don’t even know where to begin. Daniel, you outright told me that you want to kill me for fun.  I think you know there’s no difference. You should know, but I’m not putting my money on anything.

Before I get the chance to reply, David asks, “Why do children need purifying if they’re already so pure?”  That’s actually a good point. Not something that I care about right now but I can see that coming up later.

Daniel explains, “David, do you think that I don’t remove bugs and coloured flowers from my garden?  Do you think that owners of the fields of… say bluebells let anyone go and pick them?”

Well, that makes no sense.  “David, I don’t think we’re going to find anything.  Let’s go home.”

David agrees, “Yeah, I don’t think he has anything to do with you.  He doesn’t have the money to spend on anything like you.”

Daniel agrees, “Yes, though I would totally have done it had I had the money, but I don’t.”  I kind of admire your honesty. “I have motive in that I hate you. It certainly is something I would have thought of had I known more about robots, which would have crossed my mind to research had I had more money.  Sadly, going around purifying the world doesn’t make much money.”

Okaaaay.  That’s worrying.  Your reasoning is literally just that you can’t.  What if for a while you could? There is no point in bring that up unless we have proof.  He’ll just throw us out if we try. Fucking hell. Would it be bad just to kill this guy anyway.  I try to move threateningly towards Daniel but David stops me.

David becomes angry, “You would do it?”  I guess that’s not so bad. He has no reason to become too pissed.

“Well, yes.  Sure, the boy maybe doesn’t deserve this but you.  You deserve that and so much more. I think I’d use your friend Gwen instead of Max though.  Maybe a teen. They’re pretty impure too. Putting Max into Gwen’s body would be perfect. That way I wouldn’t be relying on you being a pedophile and everyone would understand why I did nothing wrong.  Yes, to continue.” I don’t want to know but you’re going to continue. You disgust me. “After all to do that would make children look adult, but then from what I saw at camp, you did date a woman for a while.”  Gross. “Now, I see no reason why you have to continue being here. After all, the intent is little without success.” Grosser, but annoyingly true. Wanting to break the law isn’t illegal, though I still want to kill you for it.  “I don’t even have to tell you anything because you’re not even anything and it’s very satisfying to say that. You’re not a cop or a detective. Really, I’ve been too patient with you.” Please let this be the grossest you get on this topic.  I know it’s not the grossest you can get overall, cultist.

Daniel shows us to the door.  We leave, but we’ll be back. I have no idea what to make of all of that.  Maybe if Neil had been with us we would have had more than just questions on our own questions I guess.  What even was that? We just went in there and got a bunch of nothing.

Nothing that will haunt me for a while now.  Even if, no, especially if we never find a way to get this guy, this conversation is going to keep coming back to me.  The worst thing is that I don’t know if he said all of what he said because he actually would put me in Gwen’s body or if he just knows it’ll get to me.  It pains me either way so what difference does it make to him?

Would someone really put a child’s mind in a woman’s body?  But why would they create me in the first place? Who did this?  Why would they do this? What else would they do? If Daniel’s only reason is that he didn’t have the money, what others would do this?

David starts up the car and I’m jolted out of my thoughts.  I don’t like this.

David starts talking.  “I never asked to be a pedophile.  I think that had I had a choice in the matter, I would have selected something more normal to be into.  The idea that if even if I was a straight teleiophile you could still be hurt really hurts.”

What does he want me to say?  “To be honest, if we weren’t busy being scared out of our minds, maybe we would have thought of that too.”

“I think you need a mind like Daniel’s for that.”

A mind like Daniel’s?  Should we have asked… No.  I can think like him. I’m ready and willing to let my mind get twisted if it means we can do this.  “David, I think we can find our revenge.”

“Oh?  I feel more lost than ever.”

“But we have all the skills we need and I feel with my manipulation skills more useful than ever.  You can handle so much too. For a start, drive down and pick up Neil. Let’s go and see Campbell!”

“Max I love your enthusiasm, but we need to collect our thoughts first.  We can’t go to Campbell without a plan. It was foolish to go up to Daniel without a plan.”

I look at David.  Is he not aware that I can see past his positive tone?  It’s fucking obvious. He’s shaking and I can even see a tear fall down his cheek.  I can tell that he was hit hard by that conversation. Did it really not hit him that if they could strike me they would strike others?  After all, if you can create one bot, why not more? Am I even the first? If I am, am I just the first success? What are they hoping to succeed at?  David must have seen that I’m looking at him for he forces a smile to his face and wipes away the tear. “What bothers you so much about the creepy guy being creepy?”

“I don’t know.  Something just bothered me.  I don’t know. I just feel like nothing good can come of something he said.”

“Maybe it already has.  We’re going to have a way bigger idea on what kind of person to look for.”

“Maybe all kinds of wonders will come from it,” David says with a laugh.

That was sappy.  Damn this almost feels like old times.  I wish that it was. Every time I move though I know that it can’t be.  Still, I guess that until I get a human body, this is as close as I’m going to get.  Revenge is going to bring me so many things. I’ll be able to love David as though he never touched me.  I’ll be able to grow older with Nikki and Neil. I’ll be-

David interrupts my thoughts, “Max?”

“What is it, David?”

“I need a bite to eat.  Will you feel safe remaining in the car while I grab a sandwich?”

I’ll be able to eat some day.  Has he forgotten that- “I guess that’s fine.”  After all that happened with Daniel, I’ll let him have this.  It’s annoying but David never was a real adult.

He goes off quickly.  I expect something to happen but nothing does.  No one comes up to the car and gives us information or something new to fear.  Nothing good happens. Nothing bad either. David just returns to the car with a sandwich.

He drives off eating the sandwich as he drives.  He has no idea how I feel.

But now I can tell him!

Damn this is weird.

“David, I don’t like cars.  The car accident-” How do I put this?  David is giving me time to reply. I can do this.  “It changed everything.” Right now it feels worse than ever.

David stops the car, puts down his sandwich and wraps it up in a wrapper.  “I can’t take you places without a car, but I can keep a better idea on the road and make sure you wear a seatbelt.”

“Why can’t we stop driving?”

“Because your actual safety is more important than your perceived safety.”

What does that even fucking mean?

“Sorry.”  David drives off.  I don’t like this.

What choice do I have though?  I could always try to leave the car, but then I’ll certainly get hurt.  I don’t know if I’d even feel it, but I don’t want to be made worse.

“Max?  I think it would help if you told me about an adventure you had with Nikki.”

It’s certainly better than the silence.  “One time, we wanted to fuck with Gwen. Gwen had really pissed us off for some reason.  I don’t remember but Nikki was particularly after revenge. So we decided that we’d get her to go on a walk with us then push her into a bear pit or something.”  You’re not going to tell me off? Okay then? Better continue. “So Nikki went to create a bear pit. We knew we could trust her to get some bears in a pit. Getting Gwen into the pit was a completely different matter though.”

Still not in trouble.  “Go on Max.”

“We got you out to the way by getting Neil to beg to do Space Kid’s activity and I just had to get Gwen on her own.”  Still not in trouble. I know. “Soon, Nikki was back and I was like how did you do it and she flashed her best smile and explained that she felt she could dominate anyone.  Bears were no problem. Adults certainly wouldn’t be either.” He’s certainly listening but he’s still not telling me off. He’s just shaking. Weird. “I could see under her clothes the way her muscles…”

“Just tell me what happened.  Please don’t turn it into porn.”

“What me?  David I can’t believe you were reading a porno reading into that.”

David goes red.  Oh, shit. I’ve done it now.  “Sorry, please ignore me and erm continue.”  He mutters to himself, “continuing is the right thing to ask of him, right?”

Well, way to go and just make me feel like shit.

I’m

“What happened after Nikki appeared?”

Does he really expect me to just jump in where I left off so easily?  “No.”

“Fine, make it pornographic.  Just keep talking.”

Why?

Oh, because we’re in a car… and “Fine.  She had done a wonderful job with the bears so she was able to help me get Gwen off topic.  We tried luring her off with smutty pictures of wolves. Adult wolves so there’s no need for you to be happy.  It turned out that unlike you, despite the fact that Gwen reads porn in front of us all the time we had no idea what she was into.  I feel like I should have known you were a sub though.” He’s doing a great job, not reacting this time. “I suppose that part of it though was that we weren’t really into Gwen and didn’t care what she was into.”  David starts to blush for no reason. Maybe that’s just a thing his cheeks do at random.

Though now I think of it, did David call Gwen a zooaphile before?

“Go on Max.”

I can do this.  The car sways. “How much longer will we be driving?”

David sighs.  “It’s not far now.  Sorry I wasn’t able to help.”

I have nothing to say.  Damn it David.

“You tried.  I wish I could just enjoy it but everything is different now.”

“I know.  I don’t know if I would have done what I did had I not known that you know and sorry.”  He starts to just repeat the word sorry as though that will change everything. It doesn’t work.  I don’t think he’s even helping himself. I wish I knew why he is acting like this when we’re so much closer than we were this morning to getting our revenge.  We aren’t going to overlook things now. That’s a good thing. Sure it means we were overlooking things before but hey did he really think we were making no fucking mistakes?

David forces a smile to his face and I know that something is really wrong.  “We’re going to reach home soon, Max.”

“David, tell me what has you’ve been thinking about since we were at Daniel’s.  This is my revenge too. No, this is mostly my revenge. You’re more like a fucking after thought.”

“Yes, Max.”

Go on.  Prove that you’ve changed.

David says, “Just a few more minutes.  Gwen and the others may as well hear this at the same time.  Don’t worry. Don’t feel like a burden. You’re my…” He stops the car outside the house and removes our seatbelts.  “You’re the camper that I always wanted to take home the most and not just in a sexual way, though yeah, I’ll admit it, I’ve totally thought of taking you home as a boyfriend.  I’ve wanted to take you home and keep you safe because you deserve a childhood and I’d love to give you one.”

“You don’t think I’ve had one?”

“No, you’ve been ignored and neglected too much.  I want to…”

“It’s too late for this now.  Let’s have this conversation again after we have our revenge.”

He lets me exit the car myself and we go back into the house.  “Yes,  _ our _ revenge?”

I stop.  There’s something funny going on and I have to ask, “You do want revenge, right?”  Get this question wrong and I’m on the run again.

“Yes.  I want revenge.  I would love to beat the hooey out of whoever did this to us, but mostly you.  I just don’t think we’ll find whoever that is.”

Well, this is an interesting role reversal.  “Why do  _ you _ think that?  David, what happened to your endless positivity?”

“It’s still there.  It’s just not in revenge.  Max, we may have to find closure elsewhere and I’m afraid you’ll never get it because you’re so-”

“It’s been one fucking day.  Don’t go all kid’s show on me just because it wasn’t Daniel who did this!  We still have suspects. We still have friends and oh shit, now you’ve got me going kid’s show!”

The door opens and we enter to see a bag in the hall.  “We’d better take this to the kitchen. Gwen will be talking to Enid in the living room.”

Oh, shit.  I don’t want to talk to her again.  I don’t want to deal with her again at all.  David helps me to sit next to a plug and he has a hot chocolate while I get the closest I can have to food.  Electric current enters me and gives me a little satisfaction. Neil had better sort this out. Damn it. Fixing what I’m assuming is a corrupted Asimov Program is something but I want more.  David’s even put a marshmallow in. Just how much is he going to show off that he can fucking eat and I can’t? Not much. He’s just being naive.

I always hated his fucking naivety.

David says, “This morning I was so sure that all would be well.  You were getting better. I’ve come out to practically everyone. I’ve done my best to make sure the world knows of your existence in doing so.  But when it comes down to it, what is that but a cry for help? The police won’t help us, Max. There’s something big here and I don’t know what.”

“David?”

“I can’t pretend that this is all well and good.  There is something disturbing going on and I don’t know where to begin to control anything.”  Control? “I may not be able to help you, at all.” Why is control needed for you to help? If anyone needs control it’s me.  “This is bad, Max.”

“I know.  It’s nice to see you finally admit it, but I need you.”  I need you to be the hope that you once were.

“No, Max, you want me.  You don’t need a mess who wants to-  You don’t want a pedophile on your side.  You want someone like Gwen!”

“Gwen!  She discounted my feelings.  I’m not going to trust someone who treated me like shit over- fuck you David!”  It’s not fair. “Why is there no way to be fair?”

“I wish I knew the answer to that too!”  David then puts his hands over his mouth like he said a bad thing.  “We should stop talking until Gwen gets here.”

“You thinking that this time, she’ll be relaxed and a calm therapist.  You thinking that just after meeting with fucking Enid, she’ll be a good fucking mood.  Only time we’ve ever seen her in a good mood is after a decent fuck, David!”

“That’s not true.”

“You know she fucked the fish man!  David!”

“She has been in a good mood outside of-”  David stops as though the gravity of the situation is suddenly getting to him.  Cautiously he asks, “You sure they slept together?”

“Yes.”  David doesn’t take me seriously.  He starts to giggle. “What is it?”

“I think this is the closest we’ll get to it being like old times.”

“Old times?  David, we can’t go back.”  I’m not letting you off just because you smiled.

“I know but I’m going to enjoy the little things we get.”

He sips his chocolate some more.  He then picks up his sandwich and finishes it off.  We relax ignoring each other. It’s surprisingly comfortable and I feel safe.  No not safe. Secure. That’s not right either. I’m still scared and I’m still hurt.  There is a difference though. I’m not as scared. Yes. It’s like one out of ten brave points rather than zero.  This is nice, but it’s still horrid. I wish I could have some of that chocolate. I don’t even like drinking chocolate.  I think I didn’t anyway.

I look around the kitchen.  It’s so normal looking. Anyone looking in, would see a normal domestic scene, only that I’m a robot.  They’re using a gas oven. How old fashioned? There’s checkered pink and blue curtains and we’re sitting on wooden chairs.  I think that this is what they would call a farmhouse style kitchen. It feels very David anyway.

The door opens and Gwen looks at me with weary eyes.  She asks, “Find anything good?”

“Is Enid still here?  I don’t fancy talking with her around.”

“No, she’s gone.”  Gwen helps herself to some coffee.  “Still you can’t complain. Since David lost his job for you, I’m the one putting watts in your system.  For that I need to see people like Enid.” Aw shit. “Yeah, it’s a pain, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to help you and David to recover.”

David nods.  He looks so proud of Gwen.

I smile and say, “You’re still an ass.”

“So are you, little shit.”  She downs her coffee in old glup.  “I know I shouldn’t have got angry.  It’s just I thought that you’d be a solution to David’s problem.  It’s not fair that everything went to shit because David didn’t want to hurt an actual child.”

I ask, “So what do you suggest as a solution?”

Gwen admits, “I don’t have one and it pisses me the hell off.”  She swigs down more of her coffee.

David seems to find his voice.  “Gwen, it wasn’t him. Also you know how we’ve been assuming that whoever did this to Max was doing it because they have something against either Max or myself?  Probably both?”

“Yeah.”

What of that?

David says, “What if Max is just a prototype for whoever they actually want to hurt?”

Gwen laughs, “How much money do you think they must have to create more than one robot this advanced?”

I say, “Enough to leave me in a box in the hopes that you two would just happen to come across me.”  Honestly, that was kind of a weird move. I guess the truck driver was in on it though. I doubt it was any sort of accident that I happened to fall out so close… but David had said that he only told Gwen.  Unless he was lying. That’s certainly believable.

David adds, “What if we’ve been assuming that we have more leads than we do?”

“Then we’ll just have to show the shit that we can squeeze every fucking drop out of that lead.”  Gwen then leans over and whispers something in David’s ear. I can only guess what that could be.

Gwen then exits the room and returns with some paper.  “I want you to write down everything you know. That way, you’ll be able to process it far better and we’ll be able to analyse it in more detail.  Find more links. Take your time.” This actually isn’t that bad an idea.

I start with the car accident itself.  How it began with an argument with Neil.  He wanted to see some dumb thing. After all this time I don’t remember what.  We agreed that nicking David’s car was the best solution. I think Nikki grabbed the keys.  We followed her. I did the pedals and had to remain on the floor and she did the steering.  It wasn’t like the bus. Something went wrong and I don’t know what.

I continue by talking about my experiences as a brain in a jar.  Then that week where I was turned on and the horrid people who touched me all over.  The people there knew. They weren’t like David. They knew. They had to have known.  I even talk about the strange visions I got while I was a brain in a jar. Everything. I hate telling them about this, but we have to be thorough.  After all, we need this. I need this and David will be one step closer to proving himself forgivable.

Next comes everything with David.  It’s hard writing this in third person now.  I just look like I have no feelings here. But my feelings are important.  They’re not facts but still. Maybe that’s not justified. Still, it just feels weird putting this in third person.  It’s all so personal. My own thoughts and feelings feel dismissed every time I have to write “And Max tried because he thought”.  Is Gwen doing this deliberately?

No, she’s just after the facts.  The feelings come later. Okay, now I’ll just write about my parents’ weird behaviour.

I then write everything that happened with the police and about running away.  I write about losing Rizelec. I write about things like it’s the easiest thing in the world.  I didn’t know that writing could set myself free like this. I write about waking up then I stop.  This is enough.

When I look up I see Gwen and David quietly reading my notes and making their own notes on my notes.  I see a few smiley faces on David’s papers. Never change. Never change. Gwen’s look more professional.  I try to make out what they’re making of this but I have no idea.

“Is this okay?”

Gwen doesn’t reply but David does.  “You’ve done a really good job of this.  It’s clear that you observe really well.”

Gwen frowns and I can see that something is wrong but she isn’t about to reveal what.

I want to know how others have seen what happened.  “Have you got others to make statements?”

Gwen says, “Yes.  We had statements made about the car crash.  You’re completely right about how that happened.  You’re right about David touching you. You’re right about so much.”  She isn’t crying. She’s guarding her emotions. Is this too much?

“Are you saying that I’m wrong about something?”

“I’m not saying that.  It’s just you might want to mentally prepare-”

“Gwen, I’m not some little idiot.  Sure, my mind is constantly playing tricks on me and I’m scared but I get it.  Life sucks. I’ve been aware of that since forever. I can’t remember ever not being aware that life sucks.  I’m mentally prepared for this to go shit up.”

“And for the consequences of that?  Are you prepared for a reality where your memories are constantly false and you have to trust others to ground you?”

“Are you mentally prepared to do that or any you just shitting on me for fun?”

“Yes.  I’ll fucking help.”

David stops both of us.  “Guys, we don’t even know that any of these fears are true.  Maybe I am the only threat and Daniel was just being his creepy self.”

Gwen sudders.  “I don’t think Max understands these fears.  I can’t blame him either. It’s not fair. He shouldn’t be part of this.  He’s just a little kid. I don’t want to-”

David suddenly snaps, “At least you haven't actually hurt him.  I don’t know if he’ll even forgive me.”

Why are they fighting?  Why is Gwen so affected by this?  She’s no pedo. She made that clear enough before.  Why is David so affected by what Daniel said. It’s not like it changed anything.  All we know is that he’s innocent and going up and accusing random people is a waste of time.  Why is any of this happening?

Am I going to wake up any second and find I’m still a brain in a jar?

They’re still going.

I wish I could sleep.  Hey, aren’t I supposed to sleep now I’ve been fixed?

Damn, how am I going to get their attention?  Stop being busy being scared and listen to me.  You know the boy who the fear is all based around!  I pull on Gwen’s sleeve. “I want to sleep.” Instead of doing the sensible thing, she starts arguing about how she’s just looking out for children.  “Well, look out for the child beside you asshole.”

Gwen sighs.  She mutters, “This is bigger than you.  Brat!”

David defends, “He just wants to sleep.”

“Fine then, show him which buttons to press.”

Gwen struggles with her face then admits, “I don’t remember which buttons to press.”

I shout, “WHAT?”

Gwen sighs again and says, “I’ll call Neil.”  David and I both look at each other. Yeah, this is not going to go well.  I give David a look to tell him that he’s a complete moron and it’s a joy to see him get it.

David opens his mouth then stops himself.  He instead picks up the notes again and I can see him read through them again.  I guess there’s nothing more he can do. What is he wanting to say? Time is the only thing that will tell if he’s trustworthy or not and I’m willing to wait.

Gwen returns and says, “Okay, Max, Neil told me the buttons to watch this carefully.”  She opens up the flap on my arm. I can see my screen now! Neil really has thought of everything.  I wonder… Can Neil stay here so I can live with him but not his mum? No, better, we’ll just live with each other the two of us.  “Max, I know you’re tired but look at what I’m doing.”

“Okay.”  I can see a few cutesy icons on my arm touch screen.  She sends me into a program with no cute stuff. It’s entirely practical.  “This this button you can set how long you sleep for and here you can set how deeply.”

“Neil is really impressive.  I’m glad that he’s around because I can always trust him.”

Gwen nods.  “Yeah, he’s worked real hard though he did brainstorm some ideas with David and Ered.  She was the one who suggested changing your flap.”

“Let me guess.  Most of David’s ideas where ignored.”

“You can’t see them in any finished designs but they did lead to other ideas from Ered and Neil.”  Honestly, Gwen is doing more to rush me into forgiving David than he ever has.

“Before I get to sleep, Gwen, why do you want to rush me into forgiving David?”

“I don't.  I just don’t want to wait.  Just because I know it’s terrible doesn’t stop me from having weakness, especially now I’m scared.”  With that I set the clock to eight hours and the sleep to deep. It happens instantly.

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> * As do I


End file.
